ADHD

Just because you get a diagnosis doesn't mean you need to tell anyone about it, if you're worried about being judged. That can stay between you and your doctor and maybe your pharmacist.

Regarding meds, the nice thing about most of them (i.e. stimulants) is that you can tell more or less right away if they're going to help you. There's really no downside to trying them. It's not like, say, antidepressants, where you have to be on them long enough to risk developing withdrawal symptoms before you can tell how they're going to affect you.

You are not alone with those thoughts. My partner got diagnosed some months ago, and at first they were a bit doubtful of the whole thing, but as there are people in the family who also have ADHD recently diagnosed, they decided to get tested and the psychiatrist said it's as clear as can be.

After the diagnosis everything kinda clicked into place and things suddenly made sense. My partner was afraid the meds would change their personality, and they have to some extent, but it's all positive tbh now that the meds are correct. The person is the same, but the edges are not as sharp as before. It took a while to find the right meds and the ones they tried first caused quite a lot of mood swings etc. But for my partner the meds are life-changing. Same i've heard from the other family member who was first misdiagnosed and unsuccesfully treated for depression and bipolar disorder for several years.

But of course people are different and not all benefit from the meds. I just booked an appointment to a psychiatrist as I suspect being on the spectrum and that being partially reason for my mental health issues and other troubles. Mostly I'm looking for a reason, apart from me being a lousy human, for all of this and at this point I'd be relieved to hear that I'm not responsible of all the difficulties I experience.

There is a downside to the diagnosis though as doctors sometimes treat/face neurospicy people different than neurotypicals. But apart from that nobody needs to know about your diagnosis unless you want to share.

As Meno said, you don't have to tell anyone.

As for yourself, it's something that you'll have to accept about yourself but don't look at it as a label. You are who you are, a diagnosis of anything is just an explanation of why you are who you are.

Remember, a diagnosis doesn't give you anything accept awareness.

Honestly? I doubt anyone will think twice about it unless you talk about it a lot.

Regarding meds, the side effects are worse than I expected but the benefits are way better than I expected too. I wouldn't hesitate to take your doctor's advice in that area. Just having a baseline for how effortless it can be to handle complex tasks really puts into perspective how much more effort it takes for us. Your first few good days on Adderall or whatever will open your eyes. And if nothing else, you might learn to forgive yourself when you just can't spare the effort for something in the future.

This all rings incredibly familiar to me. I was diagnosed a couple of years ago, mid 30s. Like you, I didn't want to be labelled, I was skeptical of medication, of being judged or ostracised.

But the liberation of learning that I wasn't broken, wasn't useless and lazy, that there was a reason for all of the things tearing me apart every day, was indescribable. Just getting the diagnosis did so much for my outlook and approach to life.

And the meds. I took the first baby dose and it was like the sun came out for the first time in 30 years. They didn't make me 'normal', didn't take away any part of my 'self', it was more like opening valves in my mind which had never been more than a quarter open before. Ever drive a car with a couple of cylinders not firing? Get those sparkplugs replaced and see what it does. Full throttle is amazing.

I don't tell people I have a diagnosis unless I think it's relevant. But I can be more honest and open about my peculiarities than I could before - and noone cares! Diagnosis, medication, these are between you and your doctor. But if it gives you the freedom to live the way you want, it's all worth it.

ADHD is genetic. So if you say a generation younger has ADHD and you have ADHD, it is very likely that the older generation has it as well.

And to your Fear of Failure with the diagnosis/labeling. The fear is there and is real for you. Because we are so used to us being a Failure that we automatically think we are one even if we just get a diagnosis. I will use my fav analogy for ADHD. Your Eyesight is not so good and you notice that others can see better and more effortlessly than you. So you go to a doctor and do some tests. The doctor tells you, hey you are short-sighted (diagnosis) here are the tools to compensate for this disadvantage, e.g., glasses (meds and therapy). Would you feel like a failure because your eyeball is shaped oddly? Why do you feel like a failure just because your frontal lope is oddly developed? (I know this analogy is overly simplified; please don't crucify me)

But the advantage of ADHD over glasses, no one (except you and your doctors) need to know about it. You can share it only with the people you like. so auntie su doesn't need to know and therefor cannot judge you at all.

And just because others are more open with their ADHD is no guarantee that they dont mask. My crazy thoughts are private thank you very much, but i can control how much i need to mask.

next for the meds part. again my analogy, why would you refuse glasses? of course it works without, but why do you want a handicap?

I did not (and still do not) have this magical experience with meds. Like I can finally see in HD etc. Never, mostly I don't notice that I forget them (my coworker notices it and reminds me). I notice it in the evening because i was not productive and am in a darker mood. I struggle with taking my meds everyday for over 20 years! I have long acting so i only have to take 1 pill a day, still impossible. But the consequences when i dont take them over an extended period of time are so bad and lead straight down the depression rabbit hole. I have a long-term side effect now, I developed a tick. But better to have a random tick then being in the pit of my own head.

I am proud of you for getting help. Don't let your head tell you, that you suck, because you are awsome!