Selfhosted
A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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For Linux and Windows, gajim works very well and is easy to use. It definitely doesn't have an interface from 1995. If you need something easier for people on Linux, dino is even more streamlined and is extremely easy to use. I think there was an effort to make a Windows build too, but I don't know how far along that is or if they are still working on it.
For Android Conversations is the gold standard. On macOS there's Sikin and Monal, but I've never used them since I'm not a Mac or iPhone user. But all these clients support a wide variety of features including encryption.
I'm not sure I follow you on this point. XMPP has had MUCs (Multi-user Conferences) which function similarly to chat rooms/IRC channels for a long, long time. The channels are accessible regardless of what server you're on as long as your server is federating with the wider XMPP network. There's even a searchable list of public MUCs at search.jabber.network covering a variety of topics. Most servers allow creating new channels if you want to start a new one, and anyone can join regardless of their server.
Not sure what the problem with Gajim was. There's a distro package already in Arch, although I usually use the AUR packages from git. I haven't had any problem with either of them, though.
You should be able to limit MUCs so that they're only for local users of a server and not accessible to people outside the server. Or, you can make them invite only, require a password, etc. So there are options there.
One-to-one video and audio chat works pretty well with XMPP. I don't think group video/audio works, but I've never tried. I know that's a really popular thing on Discord, so it'd be nice if XMPP had that too. I think there's some work toward it, but I don't know where that's at.