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No need to be embarrassed. What you describe is more than enough to cause this type of response. I know it is different in different countries, but why can you not get help? Is it too expensive where you are? PTSD and these types of issues is treatable, so it is very likely that you will not suffer like this in the long term.
It’s a bit complicated. I live in the UK so healthcare is free - but the NHS is in a dire state at the moment. It’s so underfunded by the government it’s on its last legs.
18 months ago my family paid for me to see a private consultant for medical cannabis treatment - primarily to help my pain, but the effects on my mental health and sleep have also been really positive. Nobody can afford for me to have private psychiatric treatment as well, and the NHS simply do not have the resources to treat me.
So that’s where I’m at. Even if I stopped the medical cannabis (and honestly that would be a ridiculous thing to do - I’ve managed to reduce 90% of my opioid intake, I sleep through the night, I actively want to live for the first time in over a decade…) I don’t think you can even get a single private consultation for £150, let alone be treated.
That sounds like many complications for getting the help you need. I am glad people are supporting you, but it still seems very stressful.
If you ever get the chance to get further treatment. Maybe you can ask whether EMDR is useful in your case. For me it worked very well for my PTSD. I also think that, generally, it might require less treatments than other forms of therapy. So it might mean less of a financial burden. I am not a doctor, so I do not know what is best in your case, but you might ask about it.
Thank you 😊