this post was submitted on 13 Feb 2024
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Neurodivergence
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I don't identity as neurodivergent but I do international work and often the different cultures cause misunderstandings, leading to confusing and sometimes awkward situations. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't that kinda the same?
A well known example is that Americans always ask how you are but really they don't want to know and you should say 'fine'. I've been in a few situations where I just thought they liked me and wanted to get to know me better, or they were just really kind and caring for everyone.
Or someone from Britain says that you work is great or fantastic. That actually means it's OK.
And in the Netherlands when you're visiting someone and they say they are going to prepare food, that means you are asked to leave.
Anyway you get the gist. The solution is to be practical, focus on how to move the work forward, and to not take things personally.
And also, listen to what people tell you. For example I've heard of someone essentially getting fired over not saying good morning. And I've been in a situation myself where someone got fired for not communicating what he was working on. On both instances they were clearly told about it several times. It's OK to ask.
I think I’m referring to something much more difficult. In most of the places I’ve worked, if your boss says that the plan is… actually they won’t call it a plan they’ll call it a strategic direction… that we will all flap our arms and fly to the moon and mine the green cheese that is there, it’s not ok, even as a moon expert, to reply that the moon isn’t made of green cheese. That would hurt your boss’s feelings. They won’t say “It hurts my feelings when you expose my ignorance”, they’ll just say you have a poor attitude, or that you don’t know how to communicate.
There are unwritten rules about how people need to restrict knowledge to themselves and those they trust in order to gain power. To these people, loyalty is more important than the truth, so in order to demonstrate that I am trustworthy, I have to at least appear to accept the green cheese strategic direction, even if I manage it by gradually using different words until the actual work that needs to be done is included in the strategic plan. To a neurotypical person this is just basic office politics and they just nod and say yes to their boss and work it out from there, but to us it hurts not to be able to speak the truth and discuss ideas openly.
You've had some shitty bosses. I'm totally on your side with this and would also say the truth.
(Disclaimer: I am not really neurodivergent, though I am closer to ADHD and autism than most people)
I would tell the boss about the problems with the green cheese strategy. Maybe not in a large group, depending on the setting. In a 1-on-1 meeting I wpuld tell for sure. But I would also get really miserable if I had to pretend it's all great with the rest of the team while it clearly isn't. I think most people in my profession (software engineering) would run away from bosses who are like that.
Maybe this kind of office politics is ok on a management level, between managers. But good managers shield their team from this kind of cattle manure. At least in software, they do. Otherwise they'll watch the talent leave.
Yikes. This isn't a neurotypical/neurodivergent thing. This is a bad leader.