This has been a while and I had a pro forma manager (actually, we switched roles now and then, sometimes he was my manager, sometimes i was his) who backed me every time and vice versa. We still are friends.
Without going into details, a part of our job were reports. Now, the marketing used to come up with „we need this and that“ and my job used to be to translate this request into something useful and something the upper management could read. More often than not those requests lacked a understanding of the overall market, but that‘s why I was involved. And I often just translated it just informing what I have done.
As in the market, sometimes the figures are, well, not as good as expected. Who to blame? The market? The Planning? No, the reports are tinkered, thats why this looks so bad. So one day my (to that time) boss came up to me and said: „DO NOT THINK!“ to which I tried my most unintelligent „Huh?“.
We had actually a good laugh and he explained to me that they expected me from now on to exactly write the reports as requested. And the reports will be run only over him (aka he just automatically forwarded me the requests triggered by some keywords). But every conversation about we‘ve had ended with „and remember: do not think!“.
I really hated this time, but I did exactly as I was told. It hurt to see the nonsense, the not matching comparison. But - I shall not think. The figures looked better, but were so ridiculous that after a couple of month our General Manager came to us and asked what is going on after marketing couldn‘t explain the reports - again.
Me not wanting to hurt the company did actually double work, one report for the marketing and one (correct) one to be stored for later (and my boss) as I was fully aware of this situation. We could explain. We even had comparisons ready and something for him to report to his regional manager.
Of course this had an impact. Suddenly, the position „head of marketing“ was vacant. One HR who threatened us with „repercussions“ left the company shortly after. I think three other folks got demoted (and left after a couple of month). And the GM greeted us with „you are free to think again“ for a week or two.
(Postet this originally on reddit, but this was on the last day of apollo, so I never returned. Thought, I‘d share it with you instead)
Oh, my favorite one:
Management: Why is the graph going up and down?
Me: Market cycle
Management: We can't show this at the board meeting! Fix it!