Joining the fediverse can be a daunting proposition, and it is understandable that many end up on larger more centralised servers that are easier to find. I have also had some bad experience with smaller servers also. The first one I arrived on was very quiet, almost inactive, and I should have taken that as a warning sign. Later it went down and I had to join another. Unfortunately the next server was mastodon.lol and so within a year I had to deal with the drama of that one shutting down. At least this time I had six months notice to migrate.
But bigger servers have their own pitfalls. It is easy to get lost in them, being disconnected from the admins. Many are poorly moderated and willing to federate with problematic instances that increase your chances of encountering more explicit forms ablism, racism and queerphobia. And in recent weeks we have seen the willingness of these larger servers to connect to a new service made by Meta, Facebooks parent company, with the onslaught of bigotry that will bring.
So whether you are thinking of joining the fediverse, or are already here but thinking of either migrating or forming other accounts, this guide is for you. It is also for you to share to queer friends that want to join.
Feel free to expand on this list with suggestions in replies. I will try and keep it up to date with which instances are open/invite only, if people can help me notice.
Microblogging (Twitter like interfaces)
Mastodon
The most popular microblogging software on the fediverse. Good app support
Currently open to new members
- https://chaos.social (two admins, one a polyam lesbian)
- https://queer.af (run by Erin who helped draft the ActivityPub protocol the fediverse depends on. I think she is a German trans woman? I might be remembering wrong. Will edit if someone clarifies. NOTE: the .af domain is Afganistan, and these domains will no longer be available to register or reregister, so this instance will likely end up with a new domain name in the near future.)
- https://toot.lgbt (run by Julia, a Scottish trans woman)
- https://plush.city (run by nonbinary and pan/bi furries)
- https://anarres.family (run by anarchist trans woman inspired by sci-fi of Ursula le Guin)
- https://girlcock.club (run by trans women for trans people)
- https://eightpoint.app (run by trans bi lesbian)
- https://lgbtqia.space
- https://chaosfem.tw (trans admin)
- https://towns.gay
- https://dragonscave.space (mod team includes admins who are enby, ace, agender, visually impaired)
- https://toot.cat (trans admin)
- https://pagan.plus (its primarilly for pagans, but admin is agender)
- https://tech.lgbt (for lgbt people in tech)
- https://peoplemaking.games (admin is bi and genderfluid, but server is for those involved in making games)
Invite only
You might need to network with admins or users of the following instances to get an invite
- https://weirder.earth (all LGBT admin team that includes nonbinary, bi, aroace, queer, transfemme representation, many also adhd, autistic and one light skinned black)
- https://goblin.camp (admin is pan enby)
- https://queer.group (run by bisexual lesbian and trans lesbian)
- https://queer.party (the admin is a nonbinary, gay, and polyamorous furry)
Sharkey
Can use Mastodon and Misskey apps to connect. I use Milktea (a Misskey app) for mobile notifications, but the generic web interface in the browser is so good I usually go there for interaction.
- https://blahaj.zone (run by the two Australian trans women that also run this server)
- https://transfem.social/ (transfem run instance for transfem individuals and allies)
- https://woem.men (trans catgirl instance with trans moderator)
Akkoma
- https://cooltrans.men (trans masc instance)
Social Networking (Facebook like interfaces)
Friendica
- https://embers.social (run by the two Australian trans women that also run this server)
Forum (Reddit like interfaces)
Lemmy
- https://beehaw.org (large instance, several mods are openly queer)
- https://lemmy.blahaj.zone (this server, run by trans women)
- https://hexbear.net (most mods/admin are LGBTQ+, shows pronouns with usernames)
Since the abuser is no longer there, and there is no problems with abusive behaviour or rules from that instance, continued defederation seems a bit strong, especially when there are far worse instances everyone is still federated with (stux, gargamel, and all the meta 'wait and see' sell outs etc). At this point it seems that it is just a grudge and bad blood between instance admins, and it is users that suffer the consequences.
Agreed that there are plenty of problematic instances led by cis people that everybody federates with, including mastodon.social. For eightpoint, I don't know how many instances have and haven't refederated ... for that matter I don't even know how many defederated originally. Some instances see it the way you do: the abuser's gone, so as long as there's no continued problems, refederating makes sense. Those who are still defederated probably see it as a question of ongoing safety: the admin mistakenly trusted and gave power to an abuser, and then defended them, so they're likely to make similar mistakes in the future. It's a matter both of moderation philosophy and reactions to the specifics of this situation.