this post was submitted on 13 Dec 2023
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I'm the outdoors type, and I have fucked this up on dates SO many times.
Last gf: SECOND date I take her out to my camp in the swamp. Yes, private land in the fucking boondocks. She was so outgoing, adventurous and into me I didn't think about it! Few weeks later told me she was scared shitless.
My new wife is a total city girl from Manilla. SECOND date I met her at a local hiking park at sundown (she was late, OK?!). It's in the city, but still kinda wild.
"But what if there are bears?"
"I mean, it's possible there are black bears, but they're not coming near a human talking and making noise, and I have a pistol if it comes to scaring one off." (Yes, I said that. Figured she knew I had a pistol, her ex was a gun nut, she kept hugging and feeling me all over on our first date, couldn't hide it.)
She stood there in the last pool of streetlight, violently shaking her head side-to-side.
"Hey! It's OK! Let's go find something to do downtown!"
Later told me she was afraid I'd drag her off in the woods and murder rape her. Gods I'm dumb. She took my hand in marriage, still scared of bears. Worked out!
Ha! My now wife realised on our first date that she was in a strange town, with no one she knew, and no one knew we were on a date. Cue her drunkenly asking me if I was an axe murderer and if I was going to chop her into little bits.....about 40 times....
I decided not to mention I collect knives until the 3rd date.
You collect... just knives? What's the extra freezer for, then?
Uhhh....for moose and elk....sweats profusely yeah......yeah.....legally poached....errrrrr.....hunted meat.....that totally isn't people.....