It's been a while since we've had a general discussions thread, and with the holiday season ramping up, I imagine a lot of us are feeling very stressed and worn out.
Spending time with family members is always a time, to say the least. Getting my family to respect my partner's they/them pronouns has been frustrating and exhausting. It enfuriates me that they can understand and respect my pronouns, but only because I'm binary gendered. Getting very sick of deconstructing the "them is multiple people" argument, as well as the "I'm still a lesbian even though my partner is transmasc non-binary" conversation. ๐
But aside from that, I'm actually excited about the holidays this year. And I hope everyone has something to look forward to, time with friends and family who love and accept us. We all deserve love, compassion, and acceptance, and to be able to enjoy a time of year that should be representative of all those things.
This space is 100% open and welcoming of venting, frustration, whatever you want to post here. And if you see cishet people disrupting you, disrupting the community, invalidating your feelings or opinions please report them and we will deal with them accordingly. I'm not handing out bans to every cis person who has an opinion on anything here, but this is not a space for cisgender people. If you're reading this and you're cisgender, you are welcome to post and contribute here. By all means, do so. But keep in mind that this space is not for you. You are a visitor in this community. How we feel, how we struggle, the experiences we as transfeminine people have come first every single time. I won't change that. And if you're going to participate here, you need to abide by that.
I just wanted to get that out of the way because occasionally we get an influx of people from other parts of the fediverse here and they are welcome but I continue to see cisgender experiences being used to invalidate transgender ones. And that's going to be a focus of mine going forward.
What are your thoughts on this time of year? What's been your experiences so far with family, the good and the bad? Let's all support each other through this. And what are your thoughts on how this community has been over the last few months? I'd love to hear it if anyone had any suggestions or thoughts on how our community has been operating.
This Christmas is on my mind way too much.
I'm nervous about my Mom continually trying to convince me I'm not trans like she's done last time I'm there. I'm also stressed she will have bought me male clothes for Christmas which I won't be able to hide my disappointment if so.
I pulled back on a lot of things, since her reaction to me telling her was so negative, and she was so upset about it. She doesn't even know my name, and she doesn't want to understand anything or listen to me as of last conversation in person... It's so frustrating dealing with a woman so viscously sodden with trans ignorance and prejudice. She was certain I would be "back to normal" by Christmas so, going back at all is partially a hope that she'll be willing to talk given the season and time it's been from last contract, but also a judgement if I go no contact with her.
It makes it tough, since I'll effectively lose all my family by doing this. I don't really have any desire to come out to the wider family, but I did want to tell some members discretely at some point. Every Christmas we all meet up, and have done for years, but I'll be losing that and instead be on my own for Christmas in the future. It makes it hard, and it makes it hurt.
Even if she's better and I stay for the week or two I usually do, I'll be boymode anyways the whole time, cause I don't want the wider family to know yet. I made a stupid agreement to not be too feminine when I was scared I was going to lose my mom completely, and I don't know how to push back. Especially since I'm worried she'll tell my dad and try to get him involved, who I equally worry will not accept me and will likely disown me outright. I only really see my dad once a year and likely only have a few years left with him. I'm not sure if it'll tell him, but I don't want to tell him yet for certain.
My mom was a good mom to me growing up, and she sacrificed a lot to give me opportunities in life I shouldn't have. I also thought I got the loving kindness and acceptance I have for others from her, but instead I was seemingly projecting. It's brutally crushing to see someone I was proud of up to tumble, and the hysteresis of memories clashing with her present day actions is difficult. I know I have to let go, and just being around her traumatizes me, but this Christmas is the best compromise I could reach up with myself. Any advice for asserting myself would be appreciated.
That sounds shit. No advice here I'm afraid but I'll pour out some eggnog for you. I hope you get through it all right xx
I'll be ok, I have friends who are willing to help me if I need to get out. A few have suggested I go stay with them instead which I'm considering as well. We don't have eggnog here for me to join you with, but I'll drink a cocoa in return โฅ๏ธ