1a. I must have misunderstood the problem report.
1b. No wait, holy shit, how did this ever work!?

2a. The director reminded us, at the last all-hands, that we should escalate to senior members of the team if we don't know how to check our work.
2b. ... yeah, they're at Burning Man.

3a. Remember, they knew I didn't have a CS degree when they hired me. Dammit Jim, I'm a chemist, not a compiler engineer.

4a. It could be worse. I could be back in academia.

5a. There are more cute people in academia.

6a. HOW THE FUCK DID THE THREE-HOUR COMMIT QUEUE NOT CATCH THIS BUG BEFORE IT WAS PUSHED ON FRIDAY AFTERNOON?
6b. (looks up author of broken commit) Oh, we need to send more whiskey to that team on Friday mornings. That'd shut them up.

7a. ... yeah no, imma run the regression tests another time against an unchanged repo
7b. ... resync and run them again
7c. ... fuck, this is fucking voodoo but imma do it anyway WHY DID IT BREAK NOW

8a. Wow, fixing that took, um, four actual bytes of delta?
8b. Everyone should slow the fuck down and see if they can fix all their bugs in four actual fucking characters of change to the actual fucking source code.
8c. What the fuck do I know. Megan committed 924 LOC last week that fixed lfile caching, and caught the btqmixer bug.

9a. Sleeeeeeeep.