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Romance in the 21st century (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Hello friends, if you'll allow me, I would like to rant for a moment about the state of dating in an urban setting.

I don't want to immediately say things were better decades ago, but as someone who is monogamous, vanilla, just wants a steady partner, it feels impossible to date with the current apps. I am in hobby groups, I'm on Bumble, Hinge etc., I meet new people. Yet I can't seem to find anyone. I'm despairing friends, I'm despairing.

I feel like I'm picking people off an algorithm. The room for surprise and delight has been cut off. Now there is only space for cold hard data. Lots of pretty people with good education and it's so hard to see them as people and not just another part of an ever growing list. Another dot in the scatter plot.

People who are in LTRs, how'd you find your partner? What keeps you together?

Other single folk, how are you finding dating to be in your current locale? What things have brought success or failure in your mind? How do you define success or failure?

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I thought I was really desperate after my last ex broke up with me, because part of me wanted companionship back (I was in the relationship for 8 years) so badly that I felt like I would do anything for it.

I realized though that, in addition to being asexual, I was aromantic, and that the partnership I wanted was a queer platonic one. I know this basically not anything like other people want but I thought I'd share regardless.

I have no desire to go on dating apps, because what would it do for someone like me? I met my first ex through fandom RP, and my second ex through school. my QPP I also met through RP, and we now write together every day. we bond a lot through creating stories together, and although we're in two separate countries for now, the relationship has been going strong for several years. hobbies I feel are always a good starting place for trying to meet people, for what that's worth.

a major thing for me has been communication. try to always keep in mind that playing games isn't going to get you anywhere. honest communication may suck sometimes, but I had it really nailed into me that it was important, and so I try to practice that every day with my partner.

I wish you lots of luck in finding what you need!