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Romance in the 21st century (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Hello friends, if you'll allow me, I would like to rant for a moment about the state of dating in an urban setting.

I don't want to immediately say things were better decades ago, but as someone who is monogamous, vanilla, just wants a steady partner, it feels impossible to date with the current apps. I am in hobby groups, I'm on Bumble, Hinge etc., I meet new people. Yet I can't seem to find anyone. I'm despairing friends, I'm despairing.

I feel like I'm picking people off an algorithm. The room for surprise and delight has been cut off. Now there is only space for cold hard data. Lots of pretty people with good education and it's so hard to see them as people and not just another part of an ever growing list. Another dot in the scatter plot.

People who are in LTRs, how'd you find your partner? What keeps you together?

Other single folk, how are you finding dating to be in your current locale? What things have brought success or failure in your mind? How do you define success or failure?

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I met my wife because we were both writing Anime synopses for My Anime List. She was an organizer/editor and I was a writer.

Some years later she ended up moving from India to Ohio, for her Master's degree, and after a while of not having spoken to each other, we met met up and the rest is history.

I know the whole "true love" thing doesn't usually happen but that's kind of what it felt like. Some times people really do get together just because they're single after a certain age and arranged marriages still occur in urban settings, shotgun weddings also.

Sometime, somewhere, you just gotta take a leap and see where it goes but if that's not for you, that's cool too. If you're down for long-distance dating, it may help you find more prospects but I know that's not everyone's thing either.