Chat

7500 readers

129 users here now

Relaxed section for discussion and debate that doesn't fit anywhere else. Whether it's advice, how your week is going, a link that's at the back of your mind, or something like that, it can likely go here.

Subcommunities on Beehaw:

AskBeehaw

This community's icon was made by Aaron Schneider, under the CC-BY-NC-SA 4.0 license.

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

Romance in the 21st century (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

25 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Hello friends, if you'll allow me, I would like to rant for a moment about the state of dating in an urban setting.

I don't want to immediately say things were better decades ago, but as someone who is monogamous, vanilla, just wants a steady partner, it feels impossible to date with the current apps. I am in hobby groups, I'm on Bumble, Hinge etc., I meet new people. Yet I can't seem to find anyone. I'm despairing friends, I'm despairing.

I feel like I'm picking people off an algorithm. The room for surprise and delight has been cut off. Now there is only space for cold hard data. Lots of pretty people with good education and it's so hard to see them as people and not just another part of an ever growing list. Another dot in the scatter plot.

People who are in LTRs, how'd you find your partner? What keeps you together?

Other single folk, how are you finding dating to be in your current locale? What things have brought success or failure in your mind? How do you define success or failure?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

becoming desperate

don't do that. not only do you risk settling for someone toxic, but you also risk becoming codependent on anyone you find.

no one is going to fulfil you, if that is what you are looking for. complement, yes, but your own happiness must not be subject to their presence or absence in your life.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

Highly recommend through friends. Also you need to give people time and a chance. Also do not confuse lust and surface stuff for long term love and compatibility After first date I thought probably be over in 3 months. Somewhere along the way it got out of hand and we have been together over 25 years.