ADHD

As someone who is in a similar place, the only piece of wisdom I have to offer is that it's okay. It's okay for life not to have some grand meaning or propose. It's okay to just keep finding things interesting for a while and then move on to other things. It's okay to not have a singular focus, even if it seems like everyone else does. That doesn't mean we can or even should, or that we never will. It's okay to be directionless, just so long as we keep moving somewhere -- even if sometimes that direction is backwards. I know how hollow and annoying platitudes are but it actually is about the journey and the quality of it, not the destination.

As difficult as mindfulness was for me to learn (and no, I'm not about to tell you to meditate), the one thing I couldn't help but take away from some teachings on the subject is that life is here, now, in this moment, and only here and now. And what grounds me in the present moment is to remember that I am basically a sentient meat robot, one that is carrying out its programming based on a 14-billion-year string of prior causes over which I had no control. Genetic, environmental, parental, developmental, and yes, even pathological factors that all conspired to lead me to this moment right now. I didn't plan to write this, I don't know what will happen once I have, and some of these words came as a surprise even to me as I wrote them. I don't know if it will mean anything to anyone, and it's fine if it doesn't. What I know is that I found a stranger's post interesting and relatable enough to spend a few minutes responding to it, and for a little while that gave me a sense of connection. Next I'll probably either upvote a meme, write a shitpost, or go to sleep.

And that's okay.