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Without knowing more about your life, this kinda sounds like burnout to me. It is very common is tech fields especially. I would recommend trying to dial back on work if it's killing your soul like this.
I worked at a high-paying dev job right out of college that consumed my life and put me in a very bad place mentally. I could not sustainably output what I needed to, and evetually I got fired. But walking out of the meeting I could not stop smiling from the tremendous relief I felt (this was when Covid was big so I had a mask on fortunately). It was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I was unemployed for a few months afterwards which is probably the happiest I've ever been. I didn't travel or do anything noteworthy besides starting a small passion project. Finances weren't an issue since I had a lot saved up and low expenses covered by unemployment.
After applying to places in no rush whatsoever and stressing my newfound appreciation for work-life balance in interviews, I ended up getting a job at a nonprofit government-adjacent company with full work-from-home and basically no time tracking. I make less but I can go through things at a pace I can handle and it makes a world of difference.
So if you have felt this way for a while I would recommend taking a break before committing to abandoning civilization. People with tech jobs like us tend to have options so don't feel like it has to be misery or the wilderness. Because I can promise you there are places that will allow you to live as a human being. And it may just reignite your passion too. If you still feel like it after stepping away for a time, you can always escape society more dramatically later instead.
Also, I don't want to diagnose you or anything when I don't even know you but there could be some overlap with depression here when you lose passion for life and just generally become jaded at the world like this. Make sure you are communicating how you feel with people you feel comfortable around. Remember that things can always get better, although it sounds like you have been thinking about how to achieve that plenty already. But if things aren't getting better, you might need to be the instigator for that change so I wouldn't be afraid to go for it after exploring easier stuff first. Maybe just give camping a shot while you figure this out.
I didn't mean for this to get so long, but your post resonated with me a lot I guess!
Thank you for sharing this. I felt this abit as I walked out on a job that paid handsomely but I had to deal with unrealistic expectations and a passive aggressive boss. I put in my two months’ notice and all my colleagues remarked that I looked like the happiest guy on earth.
I’m privileged to be able to call it a day and take a break, and I’m enjoying applying to various outlets with no particular rush to land something. I spend my days doing things I enjoy, going to the gym, spending time tinkering with my PCs, enjoying games as a patient gamer, etc.
Someday I also wish to follow in OP’s footsteps and retire to a rural community where I can see out my days in peace, without dealing with all the doom and gloom in the world right now. I’ve long mentally checked out of Earth and looking forward to sweet sweet forever-sleep.
Congratulations on escaping a bad situation! Stories like this have become all too common, but I think sharing how it gets better does some good. I honestly haven't given much thought about where I want to spend my golden years, but financial independence is a big goal of mine.
And as for that last part, we'll have eternity to appreciate the simplicity of death. I wouldn't be too eager to be done with the world of the living when there's a lot of cool stuff out there to explore and not much time to do it.