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‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men (www.theguardian.com)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

11 comments fedilink hide all child comments

cross-posted from: https://radiation.party/post/98607

[ comments | sourced from HackerNews ]

There is very little research into men who have not had children, although that is beginning to change. Research by Dr Robin Hadley has found that 25% of men over 42 do not have children – 5% more than women of the same age group.

Half of the men who are not fathers but wanted to be describe a huge grief and isolation from society. Almost 40% have experienced depression and a quarter feel a deep anger.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

On the one hand, I definitely have that underlying desire to propagate my genes, but on the other, I can barely look after myself right now. What hope do I have of looking after a child? Or their mother, who I assume would also be involved somehow.

Heck, I don't even have pets because I'm concerned I'll inadvertently forget or mistreat them.

Also, ADHD to the left of me, mental illness to the right, here I am, stuck with a bad combination of brain genes. I'm not sure I want to risk passing this on.

Right now, the kindest I can be to the next generation is not to allow it to happen.

As for other men who are probably less atypical than my situation, there are plenty of things that can be done to support the next generation even if they don't get to make part of it.

Not every cell-line in an organism makes it to the final stage, but if they weren't there in the first place, the organism wouldn't make it to the final stage either. This analogy works for people (cells) in a society (the organism) too.

And last but not least: Men have a slight edge over women in that the ability to procreate doesn't really go away. Sure, it's not ideal for the kid if their father dies of old age before they're fully grown, or can't help out for some age-related reason, but similar things can happen with younger dads too.