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‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men (www.theguardian.com)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

11 comments fedilink hide all child comments

cross-posted from: https://radiation.party/post/98607

[ comments | sourced from HackerNews ]

There is very little research into men who have not had children, although that is beginning to change. Research by Dr Robin Hadley has found that 25% of men over 42 do not have children – 5% more than women of the same age group.

Half of the men who are not fathers but wanted to be describe a huge grief and isolation from society. Almost 40% have experienced depression and a quarter feel a deep anger.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I'm two minds about it - on one hand, I have the feeling of missing out on this whole thing; on the other hand, I do believe it's very unwise to bring new kids into this world.

I get to babysit my friends' kids sometimes tho, and maybe that's the best of both worlds. Still get to engage with kids and have fun with them, but also don't need to deal with worries, especially about their futures.

I've been wondering how realistic it would be for a single guy to adopt, or be a foster parent or something. But considering how stupidly difficult it can be for even well-adjusted, middle class couples to adopt, I'm quite sure it's unrealistic. Never mind the suspicion and prejudice men face when it comes to caring for kids. I won't even get into that...

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I’ve been wondering how realistic it would be for a single guy to adopt, or be a foster parent or something. But considering how stupidly difficult it can be for even well-adjusted, middle class couples to adopt, I’m quite sure it’s unrealistic. Never mind the suspicion and prejudice men face when it comes to caring for kids.

Indeed. The maternal instinct is something that no-one questions but the desire to be a father is still a bit of a minefield.

The Guardian has had a few articles on the subject, like this one. This article is the one I remember reading a decade ago now and wondering about going it alone but I was realistic enough to realise that I'd really need a partner for such an endeavour. I've got to know myself better since and that increasingly looks like a wise decision. However, I am full of admiration for the guys choosing to go it alone.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

The maternal instinct is something that no-one questions

Plenty of women question it.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I do believe it’s very unwise to bring new kids into this world.

As a father of 2, I concur -sadly