this post was submitted on 03 Sep 2023
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Relationship Advice

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My gf (f23) found an old video of me (m22) with an ex and wont talk to me now. (lemmy.dbzer0.com)
submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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I am my gfs first partner, she is my second. The girl I dated prior (for 6 months) was a vlogger and for like 3 months made a lotta relationship and prank videos wth me which I was fine with at the time. Now my current gf is my first ever real crush and Ive been into her for a decade.

So my gf stalked my ex somehow, idk how consodering Im not on social media myself (this account is the literal exception). She then asked a LOT of questions about my ex, I dodged just about every question. After that she just pulled away and was distant and would barely talk to me or meet up. She finally told me she found my ex's yt channel and watched every single thing on there.

Now I think Ive been VERY understanding and comforting to her, reassuring her literally every day since, being very loving and romantic to the point of cringing myself out. But she never really got over what she saw, idk if she rewatched that stuff or not but it was def smth thats always been in the back of her mind. She also knows that I broke up with my ex since I was moving countries and not bc the relationship was bad.

Now for the terrible part, smth i truly did not remember was that me and my ex had made a more personal video which was still saved somewhere on my laptop. I absolutely did not know of this and if I did I woulda gotten rid of it. Now my gf has access to my laptop (with my approval ofc) and she somehow stumbled upon it, I caught her curled up in my bed absolutely bawling her eyes out with the video playing on my desk. I have never felt this disgusting.

This is the first time my gf has denied my hug for comfort or just been so repulsed by me, she wont touch me while i explained everything, I deleted said video infront of her and begged her for a week. First she told me she needed to think things over but knowing her she wanted me chasing and I did just that, second week Ive given her space and theres been no change. We have had 2 dry 5 min convos in the last week.

How do I fix this or make it upto her???

Tl;dr: Gf found an old personal video involving an ex and wont talk to me anymore.

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 year ago

I'm trying to be as gentle and understanding of her as possible but it all comes down to her having issues with immaturity around relationships and trust issues.

First she went looking for trouble by stalking. Then she found media if your previous relationship by accident. Then she refuses to participate in healthy and reasonable discussion.

I'm trying to find a way that she's not at fault, but this is all her fault.

You are allowed to have had a life prior to meeting her, just as she's allowed to have had a life before you.

You will also have a life after each other.

If she can't put her big girl pants on and discuss an issue between immediately and 24 hours then that's bad behaviour on her part.

Far as I can see she's not yet mature enough to be in a relationship, and that's on her.

I don't know what you held back when she asked about your previous relationship, it might have been things that you're very much entitled to hold back... it not. You may or may not owe an apology for this, but she sure owes you an apology for her shitty behaviour.