this post was submitted on 17 Jun 2023
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I feel like, for the 35-54 bracket at least, this must be less about giving up all the modern conveniences we have today but more about wishing they could raise their children in that simpler time. You don't want your kids to be left out of what's new and cool but you also don't want them exposed to EVERYTHING these platforms bring. It's a tight rope to walk and I'm not looking forward to it when my kids are older. I know a lot of people who have gone down the road of, "I didn't have a cell phone growing up, my kids won't either." But it's not very realistic in today's world.
I agree with your assessment. I have a lot to say about this, and I'm glad to have found this article, as I've been having some serious inner turmoil about this lately, and this makes me feel a bit like I'm not totally alone or crazy. (But also I can't find a link to the original survey, which makes it hard to trust, as I can't find any description of the methodology or the exact wording of the questions)
I'm an older Millenial (sometimes consider Gen X, depending on the terminology used) with young kids. It's true that I would rather have them brought up 30 years ago than today. Sometimes when I see posts about parents letting their young kids (like let's say 10) have their own smartphone and then complain about, people get snarky like "You're the parent. If you don't like it, just take their smartphone away."
But it is a tightrope to walk. I don't want them expose them something like Instagram, which gives them eating disorders, depression, anxiety, chips away at their sense of privacy, etc. But I also don't want them to be "the weird kid" who can't relate to any of their peers. When I was growing up, I remember "the weird kid"s who weren't allowed to watch TV, weren't to play video games, etc. I can recognize that in many ways they probably benefited from not sitting in front of the TV for hours each day, but I can also recognize they probably didn't benefit from not being able to talk to any of the rest of us about the latest episode of Fresh Prince. I do see it as a balancing act between teaching them that there's a lot about their generation that sucks, but also letting them experience enough of it to see for themselves, and relate to the other kids around them.
What are you thinking you’ll do? How are you planning to strike the balance?
I don’t have kids and I’m not sure I will, mostly because I have a lot of un answered questions. How I would handle raising them with technology is one. So I’m curious, if you don’t mind sharing.
It's a big question and I don't think I can give an answer that will cover everything. A lot of it will depend on what they want to do, too. As long as we can have a real discussion about things beforehand, I don't think there are many technologies or services that I would flat-out ban.
I've realized lately that a lot of the problems I have with how society at large uses technology is it's not deliberate/intentional or thoughtful. I think if you're going to buy a smartphone, or download an app, and click "Accept" on all the permissions, you should at least have a goal in mind before you use it. What specifically are you intending to accomplish with it? If it's to stay in touch with your friend, that's fine, just have that goal in mind when you're using it. If it's to follow the goings-on of your favourite celebrity, okay, as long as that's your intention. But I think too often, people buy something or download and install something just because of FOMO or without any idea or understanding of what it's going to do. It puts you in a passive position of allowing a large tech company to decide your use and your experience for you, and that might not be what's best for you. That kind of passive exploratory attitude I think worked well up until the introduction of "dark patterns", but it's a bit dangerous now.
The other major thing is I want is to introduce them to community-developed technology first. Before they get to the point where they have to decide if they want to install Instagram, I think they should have experienced the Fediverse first, that kind of thing. I think they should understand that there is still technology out there which is completely good (by which I mean free/open source software and community services are sometimes useless, sometimes buggy, sometimes lacking in features, sometimes cumbersome to use, but they're never antagonistic or evil or deceptive). At the very least they should know all of what kind of technology is out there for them.
Ideally I would also like them to understand how things work. My oldest is 4 now and can read a little bit. Not complete sentences or even long words, but enough that I know it's not going to be too many more months before she's capable of reading properly, and maybe typing, and maybe even some programming. A fair amount of software depends upon ignorance (remember when SnapChat claimed your pictures/videos "disappeared"?) and I think understanding of technology can help navigate bullshit a lot easier. But, a lot of that will depend on her and what interests her....