this post was submitted on 30 Apr 2025
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To this day, she remembers the racing thoughts, the instant nausea, the hairs prickling up on her legs, the sweaty palms. She had shared a photograph of herself in her underwear with a boy she trusted and, very soon, it had been sent around the school and across her small home town, Aberystwyth, Wales. She became a local celebrity for all the wrong reasons. Younger kids would approach her laughing and ask for a hug. Members of the men’s football team saw it – and one showed someone who knew Davies’s nan, so that’s how her family found out.

Her book, No One Wants to See Your D*ck, takes a deep dive into the negatives. It covers Davies’s experiences in the digital world – that includes cyberflashing such as all those unsolicited dick pics – as well as the widespread use of her images on pornography sites, escort services, dating apps, sex chats (“Ready for Rape? Role play now!” with her picture alongside it). However, the book also shines a light on the dark online men’s spaces, what they’re saying, the “games” they’re playing. “I wanted to show the reality of what men are doing,” says Davies. “People will say: ‘It’s not all men’ and no, it isn’t, but it also isn’t a small number of weirdos on the dark web in their mum’s basements. These are forums with millions of members on mainstream sites such as Reddit, Discord and 4chan. These are men writing about their wives, their mums, their mate’s daughter, exchanging images, sharing women’s names, socials and contact details, and no one – not one man – is calling them out. They’re patting each other on the back.”

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 16 hours ago (2 children)

I felt like I understood your original post, so I hope you're okay if I try to bridge the misunderstandings? If at any point I misunderstood, let me know.


They aren’t going outside and saying these things where at least one man would smack him upside the head in order to correct bad behavior.

Expecting men to beat the shit out of people doing the “wrong” things is also a really big problem and isn’t a solution either.

I feel like this boils down to: having men use physical violence to coerce other men into "proper" behavior isn't the solution. The scare-quotes around "wrong" imply the term being potentially misused.

I remember in the late 80s when i was really young hearing about gay bashing as if it was a perfectly okay thing to group to and go do.

You note that groups used violence against gay people in the 80s, and that it was considered acceptable. I read this and the next sentence as being an example, provided to support your first sentence.

I remember people talking about Freddie Mercury coming out as gay and not feeling comfortable asking why that is a problem for fear of being targeted myself.

The fear of violence was such a severe deterrent, that even questioning why being gay was "wrong" could have led the group to assume you were gay and thus become violent against you.

I don’t have any answers

Although you don't believe in corporal punishment, you don't know what the answer would be. (Which is totally fair, IMO.)


Is that the gist of what you meant?

If so, I suspect people lost track of your point around the term "gay bashing." Most people these days probably associate that term with someone speaking poorly of gay people, which sucks, but is relatively tame compared to what I thought you meant - which was, groups that went around literally bashing, as in physically attacking, gay people. (Which was, and still is in some places, an absolutely real thing.) It's possible that this misunderstanding derailed the rest of your comment, leading readers away from your point.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 14 hours ago

Thank you, that's a pretty fair assessment.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 14 hours ago

This was what I took away from his comment as well. His personal experience with physical abuse likely lead him to interpret "slapped upside the head" in a more visceral way than I think OP intended. The jump in 'rhetorical spiciness' tends to prime the reader a certain way. He expressed his doubt and confusion but only after bringing up a seemingly unrelated (and potentially bigoted) example.