The Monkey's Paw

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Want to make a wish? Just ask the Monkey’s Paw! No strings attached.*

Just create a post that starts with “I wish ___”. Other users will then grant you the wish, and probably not how you intended.

^(*)^ ^Strings^ ^definitely^ ^attached.^ ^Satisfaction^ ^not^ ^guaranteed.^ ^Wish^ ^will^ ^likely^ ^backfire.^

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I wish my own hands could grant wishes (lemmy.radio)

submitted 2 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Humans are members of the great ape family, and apes are a specific type of monkey, making our hands literal monkey paws.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Granted.

Your body painfully morphs into that of a monkey. Bones break and reset, shrinking and expanding to fit your new form. Your hair thickens and grows uncontrollably. A tail erupts from your spine. The pain of being torn apart from the inside and reformed is maddening.

Shortly thereafter, your hands and feet are severed by a large man with a butcher's cleaver. They are hung up to be dried. A remnant of your still human brain curses anyone who would make a wish on your paws.

And now you know why the wishes always bring misfortune. The irony strikes you as the rest of you is thrown into the trash.