I'm currently pissing blood on the regular and I have free healthcare, so I think this is more of a "dumb dude" thing than an "American with an overdraft" thing.

I will go to the doc eventually, but I need more. I can't be turning up there with one thing to report. I need stabbing pains, memory loss, night terrors and maybe some jaundice before I pick up the phone.

I know I can't die early, because I'm not getting off that easy. So I'm safe for the time being 👍🙃

EDIT ~3 months later: So I think it was kidney stones. I had all the symptoms and the doctor said she agreed, so I got sent for blood and urine tests, which showed nothing, and then an ultrasound. Pissed myself during it because I had to turn up with a painfully-full bladder as part of the examination 😒 and the first dude was a trainee, so his work needed to be seconded by his superior, extending the torture time. Was literally squeezing my dick with my white-knuckled hand to prevent further leakage. Anyway, I think from the time I first had symptoms to when I got scanned, the stone(s) must have passed on their own because the scan found only 2 harmless cysts and the bloody piss and other symptoms disappeared a couple of weeks before that 🤷‍