this post was submitted on 16 Sep 2024
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Very common.
A lot of people, I'd even hazard to say the majority, want mutual possession to some degree. Not necessarily ownership, as in all freedom removed, but the idea that each person is devoted to the other, to the exclusion of any outsiders in some cases, but at least as a primary priority except for children being higher.
There's been a ton of debate over the years, tons of money thrown at research into human bonding and relationships, trying to figure out exactly what "normal" or "natural" is for us. But, even among people that aren't monogamous, there's some that use, and find comfort in, the idea of belonging to each other, it's just that the non monogamous folks tend to have a broader range of what that means.
It's similar to (or maybe the same as) belonging somewhere. You belong at home, it's the place where you are supposed to be, it's the default state. It might not be home for everyone, obviously, but the sense of having something that is akin to that feeling of coming home, of belonging, that's a powerful thing.
As an example of non romantic belonging, to illustrate what I mean, I used to bounce at a drag club. For a lot of the gay kids that came there, that club was the one place they could really, truly be themselves. I literally can't count how many times someone said that it was the closest they'd ever had to a real home, a real family, and many of them said the only place they ever felt like they belonged.
I know, for myself, no matter how much pain I'm in, what ugliness is trying to drag me down in my head, the certainty that my wife loves me, and is there for me, it keeps my head above water. I'm her's, she's mine, in every way that matters. We belong to each other. That's despite the fact that we're both free to end the relationship if we so choose. There's no slavery in belonging to and with someone.
Shit, now I'm crying lol.
But maybe that's as good an example as anything else. That feeling? That sense of comfort and surety, of knowing that there's someone right there that is such a deep part of yourself that just thinking about the fact is enough to bring tears of joy, that's what it's about.