this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2024
70 points (90.7% liked)
Autism
6883 readers
99 users here now
A community for respectful discussion and memes related to autism acceptance. All neurotypes are welcome.
We have created our own instance! Visit Autism Place the following community for more info.
Community:
Values
- Acceptance
- Openness
- Understanding
- Equality
- Reciprocity
- Mutuality
- Love
Rules
- No abusive, derogatory, or offensive post/comments e.g: racism, sexism, religious hatred, homophobia, gatekeeping, trolling.
- Posts must be related to autism, off-topic discussions happen in the matrix chat.
- Your posts must include a text body. It doesn't have to be long, it just needs to be descriptive.
- Do not request donations.
- Be respectful in discussions.
- Do not post misinformation.
- Mark NSFW content accordingly.
- Do not promote Autism Speaks.
- General Lemmy World rules.
Encouraged
- Open acceptance of all autism levels as a respectable neurotype.
- Funny memes.
- Respectful venting.
- Describe posts of pictures/memes using text in the body for our visually impaired users.
- Welcoming and accepting attitudes.
- Questions regarding autism.
- Questions on confusing situations.
- Seeking and sharing support.
- Engagement in our community's values.
- Expressing a difference of opinion without directly insulting another user.
- Please report questionable posts and let the mods deal with it. Chat Room
- We have a chat room! Want to engage in dialogue? Come join us at the community's Matrix Chat.
.
Helpful Resources
- Are you seeking education, support groups, and more? Take a look at our list of helpful resources.
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Anon explained why he didn't consider he was being creepy and (girl) didn't counter it and didn't mention it again. What does that mean?
"Anon's" opinion on whether it's creepy or not counts for absolutely nothing.
Again, it wasn't a social cue and "anon" didn't miss it - girl directly expressed her opinion and instead of accepting it, "anon" argued against it, then ignored it That's not only creepy, but borderline abusive.
I believe the context for your query was that i missed a social que. However within context, she found it creepy i "stalked" her. To which i clarified it was not my intent to stalk or be creepy but was simply just being friendly, as i do with all my friends regardless of sex.
If someone thinks you're stalking them, that's a 100% full on red traffic light that they don't want to continue contact with you and you need to leave them alone. Simple as that. You don't get to debate or negotiate.
"Let's be friends," is a polite way of declining romantic interest. She is clearly not treating this as a friendly relationship as her comments about you indicate that she didn't want to continue contact with you.
But why would a person say "lets be friend's" if they didnt want to see you at all, i understand politeness but its objectively misleading
For some people it feels easier to give a 'soft' rejection, and 'let you down easy'. People also believe that a soft rejection may help to temper potential violent male responses to being rejected romantically.
It is misleading when taken literally, and needs to be understood in combination with other social cues. (Does this person show continuing effort to develop a friendship? Do they ever reach out first? Does the dynamic feel one-sided? Do they subsequently make more negative comments that express a disinterest in continuing the friendship or 'let you down' further?)
Yeah i may have missed that :/ I took it literally Well...
Thank you for actually having a nice, insightful thing to say :3 very nice change of pace from just being called a creepy stalker for not understanding the lies of people with allism
Yep - I figured this was just anon hoping for a different answer from a different audience.
Again, your intent doesn't matter and there was no social cue that you missed. The girl clearly expressed her view and you didn't do her even the simple courtesy of believing her. That's not what friends do. That's what stalkers do.
Autism as an excuse can only go so far. When you go past the point at which you simply fail to pick up on non-verbal cues to the point at which you dispute and disregard other people's clearly stated preferences, it no longer applies. That's not autism - it's antisocial personality disorder. You're not just failing to understand what other people expect, but refusing to treat them as beings with rights. You're treating them as mere objects rightly subject to your will and your preferences.
Ok buddy, listen i have kept every comment ive left informational and went through extra effort to be polite and curious to eveyone.
And your comment is shit dude, not because of the information but the feed back you gave was disrespectful, unempathetic and not even constructive at best.
And i made a post about asking for advice, to which the title was not "im right, " or anything of the sorts because i actually wanted people to form there own opinion. Because what is feedback if its all circual jerking, if you want that go to reddit.
And saying i disrespect (girl) is just untrue, you may not know me. But lots of people in this post or in other communitys. Know i go out of my way to not be a fucking pick and be respectful. And to go to the term that i objectified her is repulsive and completely untrue! And more sounds like your reaching just to try to make yourself feel better about being asshole.
This 100%. There's some good, constructive advice in these comments and this is very much not it. Just a person with allism who wants to feel superior and put down people looking to better themselves. Calling you an antisocial creep and saying you're objectifying her is the least charitable read possible and not what you deserve
"Autism as an excuse can only go so far" allism as an excuse can only go so far to explain why you need to be such an absolute cunt to decent people who don't understand the lies you tell and are trying their best. Learn some empathy asshole
IF you had any friends, they would have done their damnedest to protect you from getting yourself in this situation.
so, either your telling bullshit, or your freiends are not your friends.
Yeah my friends really weren't my friends, they were all political dick heads. to be honest i really don't care if another person has another political party they agree with. I'm pretty apolitical and think both sides have certain points that i agree with and disagree with. But somehow politics always got brought up and divided the friend group into political party's and belligerent bickering ensued. So sophomore year, I just sat by myself and enjoyed my solace. until junior year, where i met some new friends that actually care and didn't really care about politics and have been hanging with them since :D.
the year i broke off from them was heavily politicized, and the full friend group i had at the time is now completely dissolved and everybody moved away. and the person who i would consider the "leader" of the friend group, which i had multi experiences with. alot of the time would "Prank" me. which was ultimately a fucked up immoral "joke" if i can call it that.
we had a MC survival world we all played on, i mean sunk hours into. one day he blew up many peoples houses and put bedrock around. and left signs saying trolololo now see at this point it justs a guy being a dick. but there's more to this story, so then him and his friend gaslight me for a week that a hacker logged onto the server and destroyed stuff. i explained i worried about if the hacker got our IP addressees and could hurt us. i got like 2 hours of sleep for all week. the other friend felt bad and eventually came clean about the "prank".
thanks for the whole explanation, i get it now, it maskes sense. i apologize for not believing you, but what you tell me kinda sounds similar to what I experienced, and it is similiar to other expiriences.
i am glad you figured out how to spot bad friendships, and how to deal with that girl.
dont fret, it will get better and better. it is very neeficial that you learned early on to say no.
thanks for the clarification! i really value that mindset.
i hope you are doing good, keep taking care of yourself, and dont let others take advantage of you. bye!
seriously, thise peope are not your friends, f them.
i recently gave up my whole friendgroup, becaue i realzed they were not my freinds. now i am just at home, learning to play the guitar.
have fun!
Thanks! I wish the best for you aswell
Stop stalking me. If you reply to this post or downvote it you are creepy.
We don't know about what the girl said after the explanation. She probably didn't mention it again since it clearly didn't work the first time.
"Anon" kinda just ignored how she felt/told her what (at least from my perspective) amounts to "your feelings are invalid because that wasn't my intent".
As for the subsequent actions, I'd attribute that to high school level mental maturity/not knowing how to handle such situations. Talking it out would be the ideal scenario, though that rarely happens even long after high school time from what I've seen ._.
(Rant - that might not be fully related to replied to comment anymore - over :P)