this post was submitted on 22 Jul 2024
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AVOID #1!!!
Better to be alone and free to think and explore than to be tethered to someone that holds you back from exploring life. Sex is a fucked up drug addiction without an opt out for most of us. I've made a lot of effed up decisions, but not marrying any of my 3 long terms was not one of them.
I don't know about y'all, but I changed a whole lot every 5 years since 20. I feel more settled in my late 30's Getting disabled at 29 shakes my perspective away from any kind of norm. I can't imagine those changes meshing with anyone else and surviving this long.
As a guy nearing 60 I support your stance.
The choice is not these two women. The choice is how to live your own life.
I'm about 3 or 4 option #2s behind you but I agree. Glad to see older anons still with it.
I don't necessarily disagree, and everyone is different, but you should consider that it's not just you that changes. You change WITH your partner. You grow TOGETHER. I am absolutely different than I was 10 years ago, and so is she, but that doesn't mean that we're no longer compatible. Our growth contributed to each other's growth.
I do think people should be maybe... less attached? You should regularly evaluate your relationship to see if it's working. Shared interests aren't even always necessary (as long as they at least show interest in what you like and vice versa). But that is very hard and many people would rather not be alone.
I don't picture too many mates that can handle religious extremist conservative misogynist to atheist leftist open minded best intentions diversity ally. I could be wrong. Heck, in that span I've gained, dropped, and maintained more weight than anyone I've ever dated, going from ~250 to 350 to 187 and racing bicycles. I doubt I would have spent 3-4 hours a day on a bike while working 8-10 hours and racing on the weekend if I had married someone in my early 20's. I'd probably still be in bad health. I'm not all that bright right now, but I was a whole lot dumber in the past and having someone around that reinforced my biases was certainly a factor in my growth and development. It is hard to say how things would be different. It gets super lonely at times, but my situation is not standard there.
I personally think that shared interests are far less important than shared values (as in equality, for example), and while it's fun to have a partner who has shared interests I don't necessarily think it's a prerequisite. If you enjoy spending time with them and they're a good person, that's all that matters if you ask me.
Thank you. This comment resonates a lot with me, as despite it having been over a year I'm still struggling with coming to terms with having had to break up a 5 year-long relationship for my own good (it's not that long in the grand scheme of things). The way I would describe it is that she was molding me into the person that I was expecting to become when the relationship started, which was totally different from the person I ended up evolving into. I am glad I did it, but I still struggle with the pain I caused her during the process.
I had back surgery last year at 29, and while I didn't end up disabled, I'm seeing my life change in small ways because of it. It's weird feeling so young but having to limit certain activities because you could become paraplegic if anything goes wrong.
I didn't have anything to add to your comment, I'm just glad you posted it!