this post was submitted on 17 Jul 2024
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The Onion

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5 Summer Activities Sure to Ruin Your Lawn Summer is here, and that means one thing: it’s time to watch in horror as your lawn turns into a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Why fight it? Embrace the inevitable chaos with these five activities guaranteed to obliterate that golf course-caliber lawn you’ve been working years on. You might as well lay down wood chips and call it a day, because those little savages will destroy it by fall one way or another.

1. Slip and Slide Ah, the slip and slide – the classic summer activity that promises fun, laughter, and a lawn that looks like it hosted a mud-wrestling tournament. After a few hours of kids hurling themselves down a plastic sheet at breakneck speed, your once-lush grass will be nothing more than a distant memory. The combination of water and trampling is sure to create a muddy disaster zone. Just remember, mud is nature’s way of saying, “You never really liked grass that much anyway.”

Read the rest of the satire news article here at TattletaleTimes.com

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

They must've ran out of ideas by bonfire. Most of the ones I've been around are generally built with a wide circle, and/or slightly below ground. Looks nice, and a fire every once in awhile won't destroy your lawn.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I wrote bonfire from personal experience! our house has a built-in firepit when we moved in and it doesn't have a brick ring around so if we have a big enough fire it kills the grass around it. Someone in the comment section mentioned water balloons which is a good one i missed when writing this.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Didn't realize you were the author! Water balloons are a good one, the article in general was a fun read. The bonfire one just jumped out at me a bit. You should get a ring, or dig it out 6in to a foot! It looks wonderful, and makes cleaning the ash easier as well.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

yeah for sure, it's on the long list of DIY home improvements that I'll get to someday. thanks for reading!