this post was submitted on 20 Jun 2024
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To start off, put the gummi worms in a shaker, shake, collect the sour dust, snort.
Next, add the whiskey to the shaker, set aside
Dunk the bread in the McNuggies sauce, sprinkle on cocaine to taste.
Add weed, thin crackers and coffee beans to grinder, grind thoroughly. Take the brie and your ground up spices, work them into each other as if you were making meatballs.
Eat this raw.
Ok, now vomit into the condoms.
Now that the appetizer is done with, grab handfulls of the other cheeses, salami, prosciutto and McNuggies, and just stuff it into your face as if you were eating popcorn.
Now that you've been thoroughly fucked by this culinary experience, finish it off with the drink you set aside earlier, which should hopefully be a lovely semi congealed glass of gummi whiskey.
Awful, would laugh at you on a date. Better than most.
Hey, I'll take it haha!
Unfortunately my default joke state is basically dad jokes and puns, but my life has been so utterly absurd that I can basically just reference some insane nonsense that's happened to me in the past somewhat indirectly, and most people just think I'm creatively making a joke.
In seriousness, I have found that more conventional charcuterie boards are a pretty cost effective, while also decently fancy first kind of at someone's place date, if presented well.
I've done this multiple times and it has worked every time, and almost every time I'll be told this is extremely adorable and no one has ever done this for them...
...Then I find out, a year or two or three into the relationship, oh god, this person I love is extremely abusive, takes me for granted, and is astoundingly irresponsible.
So I guess just hand me both of those whiskeys, neat, please.
I’m a different person than who you replied to, and it’s the internet so I have no way of really telling, but yo you sound charming and fun. Also I’m sorry you had to go through that… I hope you find someone who isn’t an abuser and doesn’t suck, if you haven’t already. I’ll have a couple whiskies with ya.
I appreciate the sentiment, very truly.
Hah, my entire patriarchal lineage is massive alcoholics, so I actually drink alcohol very rarely, maybe a few times a year.
I have managed to never get addicted to the stuff or become abusive from it, I'm basically just an absurdly lightweight drinker.
Two whiskeys like in this pic in a row and I'd be stumbling. Two more soon after and I'd be slurring and stumbling.
Or, the optimistic take on that is I can get a double shot of bourbon and nurse it for 4 to 6 hours and be enjoyable buzzed the whole time haha.
Maybe someday I'll find somebody, but right now I'm quite happy single.
Maybe a few years go by and I'll try again haha.
Either way, cheers mate, probst, etc.
Ah, then I’ll have a La Croix with ya, or a NA bitters and tonic or whatnot. I do not come from a lineage of alcoholics, but since COVID my partner and I have been drinking too much, all of the time. It’s definitely something we need to fix! Two shots of whiskey like in the pic would give me a slight buzz. It’s the exactly opposite of weed for me—one small hit and I’m overthinking all of my flaws for the next couple hours.
Much love tho.
<3