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My 2nd grade daughter has tested Highly Academically and Intellectually Gifted (HAG in NC). What do I do? Please advice. (self.parenting)

submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by nieceandtows to c/[email protected]

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We didn’t grow up in the US, so we don’t really know much about the gifted programs. She has scored 99 in CogAT, and 96.5 in ITBS, so she qualifies to the HAG program in NC. We can either switch to a different school that has the HAG curriculum, or keep her in the current school under the next lower level curriculum (AIG). The school says their AIG program is excellent, and that many HAG students have opted to stay in the school’s AIG program.

I want to do what is best for her social, emotional, and academic growth, so please share your experience/horror stories/success stories with the gifted programs, and your advice on which one to choose.

She's an only child and a bit naive, if that matters.

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (1 children)

Hi from North Carolina. I was a gifted program kid (now and adult) in this glorious state and have had plenty of encounters with children since who are in the program. I even went to the North Carolina School of Science and Mathematics. Go for it with the more rigorous academics BUT the thing you'll need to enrich in the home environment is those social and emotional lessons. They are getting deprioritized in favor of academics and in order to succeed in the world, the ability to people is actually more valuable than the ability to scholar. But if she isn't challenged in the classroom, instead of learning how to people, she'll learn how to be in trouble due to very appropriately suppressing her frustration and boredom as much as her age can possibly do ... which isn't enough.

Also, if she's any kind of mentally healthy, don't send her to NCSSM, no matter how much she begs. That's where people go to have massive mental health issues. The only people who did better at that school, and I am one of them, were people whose home lives were so challenging and unstable that the school was actually an upgrade. Any alumnus - except the ones specifically chosen by the recruiting office, of course - will tell you the same.

[–] nieceandtows 2 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Thank you for the perspective. We've gone ahead and enrolled her in the HAG school, but I'm still concerned about her social skills, because apparently she's only gonna interact with the same 10 15 kids every year. Hopefully she comes out in top socially as well as academically.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago (1 children)

There is something to be said about a small and consistent set of equally intelligent classmates from which to form bonds. I certainly did. It makes one not the weirdo because everyone there is HAG. Then, when out in gen pop and someone treats a HAG kid as The Weirdo, the response isn't to internalize it with a, "Yeah, I'm the weirdo. No one ever wants to play with me," but instead with a, "What's his problem?!" So that's actually good.

I was thinking more on the emotional side. Learning how to handle big feelings and small feelings. HAG kids tend to - and here I'm speaking from my former high school teacher career which I've long ago left - intellectualize the especially small feelings into nonexistence. It requires explicit instruction to just be taught how to feel. Not as an action item. Just as an experience.

[–] nieceandtows 1 points 6 months ago (1 children)

That makes total sense and gives me peace, thank you! Do you have any resources on how to handle the emotional side properly that I could learn from?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 months ago (1 children)

If you ignore that the intended audience of the book is a parent of an ADHD child, "Why Will No One Play With Me" (book) is a fabulous step-by-step primer that covers all the social and emotional skills one needs to succeed in the world as well as talks the reader (parent) through how to impart those lessons to a child who is good at analytical thinking. I wish there were a book written more broadly that is this good at preparing parents with more than just platitudes and broad goals.

[–] nieceandtows 1 points 5 months ago

I'll check this out, thank you for the recommendation!