Mental Health

This post sounded better in my head now it just feels foggy and hard to type but I am giving it a try anyway, I just don't know how to feel anymore I feel alone, sad and I know I am ugly and my transition didnt even do anything. In general whats killing me is I cannot find a decent job, or even any job for that matter, and I just feel like my autism makes it so no one ever get's close to me and everyone secretly wants me gone.

I feel like my transition failed, I have been on HRT for 2 and a half year and only gotten very minor results, yes I have talked to my doctor but they really don't listen and I spent so much money on healthcare. I just look in the mirror and I see someone who is quite ugly and generally considered unattractive by all. My dysphoria is always really high and I very depressed about this.

As you likely know from my previous post I don't really have a great connection with my family, and they cannot support me emotionally once so ever.

I feel workwise I don't think I will ever work anywhere near anything I went to school for and will be resricted to min wage most of my life, I feel like there is not a ton of I can to change this, and nothing I seem to do helps, I am currently 2.5k in debt on credit cards and I highly doubt I will ever be able to pay that back given expenses on min wage.

I am currently living with friend but I know they can't and won't emotionally support me and I know they are the type that cares about me enough to be sad if I commited sucide but not enough to notice any of the red flags or even ask how i am doing when i am really going through it. I feel bad since I know I am a horrible, gross and annoying person. I know the only reason they even hang out with me is they feel bad for me, and realize i am a loser and this is the best I have right now. don't get wrong I still do care about my friends and I feel really bad for saying the things I said in this post but I always feel it's not their fault and they are doing the best they can, they are closer to themselves than me. I feel like if they knew how bad my mental illness was they would slowly but surely drop me due to not being able to emotionally support me, I often feel like I need to present as emotionally perfect publicly cause they don't have the spoons to help someone who is actively suicidal and hates every single element of herself

I have been recently loosing my grip on reality, I often loose myself in really hyper realistic day dreams, I will zone out to the point I question if I am even real, or if my surroundings are even real, I sometimes just give in since I feel like it's a reality that ignores how gross and horrible I am and gives m what I want but don't deserve.

I would commit but I feel like I am too much of a coward to do anything actually deadly. I don't want to be alive but I am scared of what comes after death. I also feel like traumatizing my friends is not fair.

Most of my negative self talk is self-injurious in nature so I won't trouble you further with the exact content, but I've had difficulty finding a good substitute because I have a pretty strong aversion to the more flowery language a lot of positive self-affirmations use, but I still wanted something that rolled off the tongue as well as poetry so it sticks in my head better.

I really like common meter (think "because I could not stop for death") and it turns out you can easily get it out of chat gpt by asking for 14-syllable couplets in iambic pentameter with natural word order, then splitting the lines at the 8-syllable mark and mixing and matching as-needed with a little supplementary help from a thesaurus. I asked for a few different versions and after some mixing and matching I got to:

"You make mistakes but take a breath
and let your torment go.
Forgive yourself for stuff you did,
and things you didn't know."

...so I'm gonna give myself a good ol' cognitive-behavioral thought restructuring and try to at least repeat it after each self-abusive thought, then hopefully be able to replace them entirely. I'll let you all know how it goes, but I wanted to share in case any of you wanted to try it with me!

cross-posted from: https://sopuli.xyz/post/15860087

Stephen Fry is invited to Kyiv by First Lady Olena Zelenska to co-host a conference on mental health in time of war. He discusses the war with President Zelensky, and tells him jokes . He meets amputees and the recently bereaved , Azov brigade survivors , and artist Nikita Titov. He experiences an air raid for the first time while a stint at standup makes him realise just how important humour has become to survive the war.

At the Babyn Yar memorial to the holocaust he considers Ukraine's bloody history.

A very touching look into ukraines problems with mental health during wartime.

I just feel like everything has hit rock bottom and it's my fault. My entire life sucked and I guess I just want to tell someone since I got nothing to loose anymore. My life begins with abuse, my first memory was my dad beating on my mom, soon enough my next memory was my mom moving out, I don't remember much between that but I never could of guessed he would end up winning custody, I spent the next 12 year of my life being yelled and screamed at, and hit me. I knew he loved me in some way and still does help me out but he abused me. Growing up, I never had many friends I was always treated as the weird kid and my socialization skills would suffer as I had no real sense of boundaries. When I was 14 I found out I was transgender and sudeenly for the first time in my life somethings about why I hated my body made sense, but unfortunately I would go onto the suffer many more years due to being unable to start hrt without my dads involvement. When I turned 18 I moved in with my mom, this was at first a pretty decent arrangement, I was even able to start hrt at 20, however I realized how hard it was to make friends in my home town, and my moms anxiety about driving made it hard for me to learn how to drive and than she fed into my beginners driving anxiety. it sucked but I still love her and don't feel like it was her fault. I moved out at 22 and while I was not financially equipped I thought it was the best option at the time, I made friends all steeming from a childhood friend I had at one point. It seemed perfect and I was happy, but the truth would soon rear that I annoying everyone, people speak to me with annoyance in their voice I know people only keep me around since they don't think I have an ideal place to go. Now I am in a house, I wish I could of held onto this, but I blew it, I can tell people are just my friend cause they don't think I have anywhere else to go. No one has officially told me they are not my friend but there is a certain coldness. i am really concerned eventually the long convo explaining how they feel will happen. at this moment I am thinking heavy about the end. On top of all of that I still look like a man I feel like, most trans women do like not look like men and they are some the prettiest girls i know, but I do look horrible, I am genetically cursed my facial bone structure is totally awful and I won't even feel right no matter what I do. I have been on HRT for two years and still feel this way.

I’ve been feeling suicidal lately but I legit can’t tell anyone in my life, I have many reasons why, firstly im transgender, and while I’m on hrt i still look very unattractive and no where near where I want to look, this has unfortunately resulted in me not getting a ton of affection or luck in dating and it sucks. I feel really lonely. Im currently living with some friends that I love dearly but I know the love is one way. They are my friends but they are closer to each other than me, im at that point still where it would be highly inappropriate to talk about any of my problems with them. Even if they had a sinking feeling i was gonna do something they wouldn’t stop me i don’t think I don’t mean this in a rude way it’s legitimately no one’s job to stop me. My financial situation is suffering. Im about 2.6k in debt and while that isn’t a lot for some, I don’t have a job. I’ve applied to literal a 100 jobs all of them dont call back, or I got declined. The debt grows every month since i need to buy hrt or i will only get worse mentally. I’ve been feeling like I’ll never find love, I’ll never look how I want, I’ll never have a job. Its also I’ve some funky medical stuff unrelated to anything and I need to get it checked out but again I have zero money so I push it to the back burner. If it was something serious I would just jump anyway. I also keep making little social mistakes which result in being minorly corrected and my RSD gets triggered and I hate myself. I just wish I could break down crying and tell someone I legit have had night where I was so close to doing it. So many of these nights.

Cliff's notes from the 300+ hours of various talk therapies it took to control my personality disorder and eventually got trained in to pass it forward. It's got some tips on interacting with the mental health system in general as well.

This is a different take that might not fit everyone, but this game is about spreading positivity to others without any pressure. You write and receive supportive letters and make someone else feel a bit better or smile.

Kind Words 2 is now in beta and you can join the playtest for free on Steam. I'll paste the game description here because I think it says it all:

"Kind Words 2 is a place to be yourself without worrying about fitting in. It's a social space with no followers, no likes, no subscribing.

These are real people making each other feel seen, heard and less alone."

Maybe one of you wants to give it a shot. Be safe and healthy, especially in the upcoming days.

What do you think about Family Constellation and what are your experiences?

Permanently deleted

cross-posted from: https://sh.itjust.works/post/2430606

I told chat GPT to give me some prompts to help people with emotional processing/expression, and to get pretty weird/quirky, so some of them are kinda out there. I want that weird, stimulating creativity, but I'd like some help filtering out undesirable content/general bad vibes. Some of them also get a little trite, repetitive, or even just nonsensical, so it helps to filter those out as well.

There's a lot of them, but I told it to shuffle them for every person, so even if you just rate the first five or so it gives you it should help. My end goal is to narrow down to about 1/4 - 1/2 of each, so if you rate however many you do at about an 1/3 bad, 1/3 ok, and 1/3 good, I should eventually get a pretty solid list.

There's so many because I'm thinking about offering a daily challenge of one of each, and I want there to be almost no chance a patient will see the same one twice (I just feel like that would be really disheartening for someone stuck inpatient for a long time).

Feel free to share this around in any creative or mental health circles you run in!

• Writing Prompts
• Drawing Prompts

Basically, whatever you were using done fucked your brain.

Think about what used to make you happy before whatever you were using. Think about it. Did you like Sports? Did you like Music? Did you like writing? ANYTHING. What did you used to love?

I'll bet you can get through withdrawal easy. That's just two days twitching and sweating. Withdrawing is EASY once you've done it enough.

But what're you gonna do after? How are you gonna cope with the next SIX OR MORE MONTHS of ANHEDONIA??? How are you gonna cope with the fact that for months at a time nothing you used to love will bring you joy without the substance you've been abusing?

Let's talk about PAWS, ok?

I don't know what to do with my hands. I'm legitimately so nervous and self conscious when I'm expected to dance. I have a company party coming up and I'm seriously considering taking lessons. How do I get out of my head and enjoy myself?

I recently managed to find a new place to live and it was not an easy task. Even though the move isn't over yet, I felt like I deserve a small celebration.

This is a new line of thinking for me though. Very often when I had accomplished something in life, I didn't feel like celebrating. It felt like it was to be expected and now its accomplished, so why give it another thought?

It feels nice to celebrate my own accomplishments though. I've rewarded myself with a tasty meal at a restaurant and enjoyed it a lot.

How are you celebrating your own accomplishments?

I wrote a small piece on dealing with perfection paralysis. It includes 7 tips to focus on the things to do.

Archive link: http://archive.today/aEx7K

Should probably talk to my psychiatrist so I get a change in my medication. Every time I start many weird projects, feel like I can easily change the world or have invented something that can, need basically no sleep and/or get aggressively political (even religious), I know the drill... At least I'm not paranoid though. Hope the best for you all too <3 Also sorry if I've bothered someone these days, it really wasn't my intention.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ml/post/716981

Full report : https://www.toronto.ca/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/8e71-Toronto-Community-Crisis-Service-Jan-2023-Evaluation-Reportaccessible.pdf Relevant Teddit (Reddit) post : https://teddit.net/r/toronto/comments/10epbcg/toronto_community_crisis_services_6_month_report/