this post was submitted on 06 Jul 2023
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childfree

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A bit of a rant, pre-sorry but so sad and annoyed right now.

Went to my favorite barber shop today. It's built on being nice, upscale, and men's haircuts. They do the works, good cuts, beard trimming/shaping, hot towel, the whole thing, and it's built to be man's place, they have a pool table, they have a couple of kegerators, they'll pour you a whiskey while you wait. Very nice.

(Note I say man's but really if you're a woman/any other gender and you like that sort of thing, then awesome. I mean man in the masculine sense)

Until recently this was my favorite place, but apparently it's gotten on the mom groups online and now the last few times I've gone it's just filled with children and moms. Where I could go and get a whiskey while I wait and find someone to shoot pool with, now kids are literally running around and as for the pool table they're just throwing the balls around. Meanwhile the moms are either talking with each other or hovering over Bradley getting his hair cut and how cute it is.

On top of it all, because there was a group of them instead of my normal 20 min wait it was almost a 2 hours wait. I just walked out.

I'm just so tired of it, this place obviously was built for adults but god forbid we have any adult places that aren't "actually meant for children". I mean obviously it was built for children, there's 2 kegs and a shelf of nice scotch but yes, bring all of your children here.

How come every place that used to be for adults is now a child zone? My favorite breweries used to be great places to let off steam after work and now I have kids playing tag in the middle of them. I flat out don't go to movies anymore because even the super late showings are just dumping grounds for inattentive parents to leave their kids. And god forbid you ever mention outside a community like this that you want to drink a beer without a kid running around or you're literally the devil who should be shunned.

Anyway, this isn't going anywhere specifically, I'm just really sad, and I didn't get my haircut today.

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[–] [email protected] 99 points 1 year ago (4 children)

It’s the people that changed. It used to be common sense. There were places parents knew that you just didn’t bring kids. But now, parents are taught to be entitled. They demand to bring kids everywhere.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I’d suggest that a minor contribution to this would also be stagnating wages; inflation; and increased cost of childcare. Now the ‘adult’ activities we want to enjoy are more expensive; we’re earning less money (in real terms); and childcare is more expensive, leading to a lot of people on the lower end of the socioeconomic spectrum to be faced with the choice of ‘take your kids or don’t go at all’.

I definitely agree with you though. Western societies have been becoming more individualistic and entitled and that’s likely the biggest cause. I just don’t think it’s the only cause. As with everything in life, the reasons why something happens are usually varied and can rarely be boiled down to one thing.

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago (1 children)

As a parent I don't understand that need to bring the kids everywhere. I don't want my own kids running around while I'm trying to enjoy "adult" activities let alone any one else's.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It still blows my mind when I go to a brewery on a fuckin weeknight and there are kids everywhere at 9 pm. I don't get it.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

It's a lack of respect for others. Bad parenting.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yep… can you imagine how entitled the children of entitled parents are going to end up. It’s a bleak future.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's more likely to swing back the other way, in my experience. Entitled parents use their children as a weapon in public, but the attention often stops in private, when the parents want "me time" and still have a burdensome kid to take care of. The kid grows meek and people-pleasing to earn the parent's positive attention and grows emotionally stunted because "crying makes mom and dad mad, emotions are shameful."

It's still an absolute mess of course, but once a parent who shouldn't be a parent reaches a certain level of entitlement, the damage done causes things other than more entitlement.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Well…. I only feel a little bit bad in saying that I hope you’re right.

[–] [email protected] 50 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I get you. I also hate kids running around. I understand they're kids and they don't know better, but their moms don't even care. That's the problem because the kids never learn to respect other people's space.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago

And if you say ANYTHING, even politely, the mother gets offended. I was once on a plane trip where I desperately needed to get sleep before driving home from the airport, and I was next to a mother who gave her son a very noisy toy. He kept banging it against the seat constantly, and I said please. I said "Could you please play quietly?" and she gets mad at me. "He's only 6."

Eventually the kid caught on that I had a terrible headache and quieted down, but his mother didn't even say a word to him to ask him. I told him "Thank you for playing quietly" afterwards and ignored her.

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[–] [email protected] 44 points 1 year ago (2 children)

That’s just bad business sense if they allow that to continue.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 year ago (8 children)

Except it sounds like it is tremendously busy and probably coining in the cash.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

This is the first answer in the whole chain that has made sense to me. Regardless of what type of parenting philosophy people subscribe to, businesses are going to do what makes money. It doesn't matter what everyone thinks is right or wishes would happen.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Right? They have a schtick that differentiates them. Keep it going.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The other night, my SO and I went out for dinner at a nearby place and there was literally a group of kids running laps through the tables while the parents just looked on.

No way am I saying don't get your kids out for dinner but atleast enforce basic courtesy applicable in public spaces!!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

That's where you take them to Applebee's, somewhere where I'd expect kids to be running around. They shouldn't, but I expect it. Fine dining no way should they be in that position

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The only truly adults only spaces are bars (like a bar, bar. Not the damn brewery restaurant) and nightclubs.

They suck in other ways without having children running amok, tho.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago (5 children)

I hate that breweries have changed to family restaurants. Because all of the family restaurants weren't enough, they had to come for breweries too.

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I wish there were more adults only places/days. I am autistic and children are very overstimulating. Plus I like doing childish things so.... Gimme a no child night at an arcade or mini golf or something and I would be there so fast

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Agreed. God help you if you want to have a special date night at a mini golf place. Oh you wanted to have a romantic night? Sorry billy and Jimmy are going to just push you aside while they play. Their parents dropped them off and won't be back for an hour

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Because mom groups are filled with awful, awful people who don't care how their behavior affects others.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago

It'll be fun! We'll take Jayden kaiden and Brayden and go get everyone hair cuts and we'll get a chance to catch up!

Just please take them to great clips or something

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sorry to hear, and this isn’t going to help much, but sometimes going childfree can be an economic decision. My favorite place to stay in Las Vegas is Circa, and one of its features are no kids allowed. I don’t mean no small children, or just no children in the casino, I mean no one under 21 is even allowed past the door, ID is checked. Not in the hotel, not in the restaurants, not in the pool. And it’s a great pool.

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I don't mind a well behaved young child at a brewery during the day. But running and playing tag inside is not okay. Especially if it's busy.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sounds like OP has met bad parents? There are lots of them and they make shitty kids who run around like demons.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I've seen kids who sit quietly at a brewery coloring. They are definitely the minority but it does happen.

What happens all the time are parent who think their kid is in the well behaved minority. I have yet to meet a parent who isn't convinced that their kid is "one of the good ones"

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

I have two kids- 7 and 8. Sometimes I want to get away from them (and everyone else’s kids too). If I had a spot like you described and it got co-opted I’d be pissed.

Ultimately it’s up to whoever owns the business though. I’m guessing the two hour waits mean more money for the business owner and barbers that work there.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Late stage capitalism, savage capitalism, an overcapitalized society, whatever you want to call it... It's a bunch of different factors that all eat away at the social fabric that make raising kids easier

Housing is expensive, and people frequently move for a job. It's pretty unusual to live next door to family, who would often give free childcare. You also don't get neighborhoods full of young parents anymore - everyone is just living wherever they can afford to

For-profit media - thanks to decades of horror stories (of crimes that peaked in the 80s, but are great for viewership), leaving a child not in the hands of a specific, designated adult is grounds for a CPS visit in a lot of places. You can't drop them off at the park (even if there are many adults present) or leave them at home anymore, regardless of if they actually need the supervision. It's one thing if they're 3, but a 7 year old can generally keep themselves alive pretty well, especially if you prepare them for it

Monetization and over scheduling - activities for them are paid and have specific time slots. Tae Kwon do is an hour at 6, soccer is 5-7... If you're late you need to find someone to watch them. And most of that requires money and a big time investment because of car culture

Babysitters are the exception, but they're either rare or expensive. Minimum wage isn't near enough for teens to want to do such a crap job (parents often treat them like crap and expect a lot more from them now), and teens are less trusted. They even have certifications for teens that are a few hundred bucks to teach them what to do in an emergency - basically the heimlich maneuver, how to change a diaper, and when to call 911. Adult professionals have regulations to meet, and are a significant cost

Finally, we're pushed hard to be individuals that can be interchangeable and portable labor. Outside of family, we don't have the same tight bonds of friendship our parents or grandparents did... And even family doesn't mean what it used to

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Yeah, I don't buy that humanity has drastically changed all of a sudden. It's the circumstances that are different and we're all paying the price.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Let's expand childcare so it's not so prohibitively expensive!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I don't even get why the mom groups would find it appealing - are the haircuts unusually good or cheap or something? Do the moms partake of the whiskey? There are hair salons just for kids, with Xboxes and everything - if you want to go somewhere and have your kids be able to run around like crazy people while they're getting haircuts, there are way better options.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Generally barber shops that serve alcohol are in very upscale parts of town and a haircut and beard trim after tip and tax is probably to be close to about $70 bucks. Generally.

I am also very confused why people would take their kids to one of these places.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

Probably, because it's a good chill space that serves drinks and they can socialize with their friends while Little Billy gets his haircut.

The same things that appeal to OP would also appeal to many adults that have children, even if those things are of no benefit to the kids themselves.

And the sort of person who'd take a kid to a venue like that, while ignoring how disruptive their kid is to the people normally there - that demographic overlaps pretty heavily to folks who also are completely fine paying $70 for a kids' haircut, because their own cut & colour or beard sculpting run a couple hundred.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I'm sorry that happened to you. Let the business owner know that all of those kids are ruining the vibe that you patronize their business for. Solving this problem could be as easy as the barber shop offering something like a kids day where they don't serve whiskey and instead serve lemonade or something, allowing that day to be the main kids day.

I think you don't see those adult only places much any more because to most they have outlived their usefulness. There are 2 factors behind this. First, there are far fewer children around nowadays than before. When everyone had multiple children, adult only spaces were necessary if anyone wanted to get anything done. The second, and honestly a great thing from a childfree point of view, is that between birth control and abortion, most people who do have kids genuinely want them. I suspect that most of the demand for those adult only spaces in the past was from people who were seeking peace from their own kids. Of course all parents need breaks from their kids, but ever noticed that the people who complain the most about their children are the ones who had them out of obligation rather than desire?

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

There are some people whose idea of compromise is when the other party does what they say. Note: that was something explicitly said in USA politics at some point, but I honestly see it on both "sides", and surely happens in many other places in the world as well. I've seen parents literally lift up urine-soaked & still dripping children from non-plastic seats, only to either not leave a tip at all or like a bare minimum 10%, while leaving ~50-fold more mess spread out everywhere than any other table in the place (and not even tell the servers about the urine, which would need special cleansers to not become embedded into the furniture). My point is that it is not the children - the innocents - it is the parents, who are inflicting their choices onto you. And I suppose the owner too, but they are customers and what, are they supposed to just turn them away? Like gentrification, they come in and you can gtfo b/c they own the place now (childification?:-P)

Oh wow, it just struck me how much your story parallels what happened on Reddit too... aside from spez's antics, I likely would have left it anyway b/c all the children were taking over there too (they definitely are in charge of so many Discord servers). You can fight back (talk to the owner), or you can leave (maybe there is a place to get a haircut inside of a place of employment, where children are less likely to visit? or perhaps if you travel further away?), but definitely pick your battles b/c the kids, and more importantly their parents, aren't going to disappear anytime soon - if anything, the sort that you are talking about seem to be getting bolder all the time.:-( Maybe this is why people go to country clubs, to filter them out?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Stone restaurant and brewery added an array of chicken tendies and there's kids climbing all over the rocks.

The struggle is real.

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