homeassistant

if you already have smart lights:

Tuya have zigbee compatible 4way switches for like 8 bucks on AliExpress. The TS0044.

This is a great blueprint for it which makes programming the functions on a script a lot easier https://github.com/zpriddy/Home-Assistant/blob/d7940c3aba7e96aae8da53864022b37e09923ef7/ts0044_zigbee_remote.yaml

Since the blueprint is for that specific button I'd recommend getting that one. But they also have 3 way switches https://www.aliexpress.com/item/1005005178438396.html?productId=1005005178438396

Look into the Aqara H1 suite of wall switches. They're fantastic!

In case you don't feel like doing electrical work on some of them or find that the price of some of the options are too much, I wanted to suggest the ThirdReality Zigbee smart switch. They also sell them in four packs so you can save money. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0CRB18DHG?psc=1

Where it fits with your requirements:

• You can press it like a regular light switch (button-style) any time if you want to use it like a regular light switch
• Goes over an existing light switch. So, you don't need to deal with electrical stuff.
• • Can take them off the existing switch and flip the actual light switch manually if the whole smart switch fails
• • • It does take mild effort to snap the device off the wall, but you don't need a screwdriver, just your hands and determination
• Better price than what you linked, and sold in multi-packs for cost savings since it sounds like you want to buy a lot of switches

Where it may not fit:

• Maybe your wife will not think this looks like a light switch? Maybe show her one online first, or only buy one to show her.
• The aesthetics can look kind of weird depending on the existing light switch plates
• • Could make the aesthetics nicer by changing out the light switch plates to match the smart switch, which could be reasonably cheap
• Make sure it will fit all of your light switches. If you have non-standard sizes because the prior homeowners were free spirits, the device may not fit. They do have a kit to help with a small range of sizes.
• • I bought one first and tested it/measured it with all the light switches to make sure it fit first

Some info you did not ask for that may also be helpful to you/others:

ThirdReality suggests buying a hub with them but if you have a USB zigbee dongle you don't need it. Like this one: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0D737SJ5G?psc=1

I found the connection was a little inconsistent behind walls at first, but after adding a sufficiently thick USB extension cable to help lessen connection issues from interference they have worked really well. For longer distances/through lots of walls you may also want to have Zigbee smart plugs here and there/other Zigbee devices that plug into outlets that can repeat the signal and strengthen your connection.

They’re cheaper at Inovelli’s store, plus you can buy multipacks to save more: https://inovelli.com/collections/inovelli-blue-series

What about just buying Matter Bulbs? Or supported WiFi Bulbs? I have 4 which work nicely! Aidot brand so it's not known brand but it was good priced. I know you said they were three way switches so that may matter if you are wanting to utilize the 3 way dimmer, but with HA, it should be easy to do!

This would also be depending on which lights you want to control, as some may not be controllable such as maybe the bathroom lights. As an apartment dweller who rents, I put mostly smart lights every where I could in my home so I can control which ones come on or off on a schedule. Change colors as well to help set the mood with my floor lamps etc..