this post was submitted on 27 Dec 2024

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Blåhaj Lemmy is a Lemmy instance attached to blahaj.zone. This is a group for questions or discussions relevant to either instance.

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Neopronouns are not trolling (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I've been waiting until after Christmas day to make this post, but some of our communities recently have had a lot of noise and upset over someone that uses neopronouns that most people are unfamiliar with.

So I want to make this clear. A persons pronouns are to be respected. This is true when the user is using neopronouns that you're unfamiliar with. It's true even if you think someone is trolling. Pronouns are not rewards for good behaviour. They aren't only to be respected when you like the person you're interacting with, or if their pronouns "make sense" to you. Trolls, spammers, twitter users, it doesn't matter who they are, your options are to respect their pronouns, or to not engage with them.

I really want to re-iterate the importance of this. Gender diverse folk are undermined, invalidated and questioned at every step of our lives. As a community, we need to be working to undo that, not creating more of it, and that means there is no space for treating pronouns (including neopronouns) as a reward for good behaviour.

This isn't a free reign for trolls and spammers. The rules still apply. Trolling, spamming, etc will continue to be dealt with, but it's not an excuse to act as if respecting someones pronouns is optional.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 months ago

Thank you. it is mindboggling that supposed trans allies can tell people they aren't valid without seeing their hypocrisy.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 months ago

Without ever making a post on the Lemmy, I have donated to this instance every month for well over a year, amounting to hundreds. Your principled moderation is why I am here. I will forever be grateful for the space you've given us

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 months ago (2 children)

yo only vaguely related, but pugjesus is REALLY being an asshole about drag. i figured this is a safe place to vent lmao

that powertrippinbastards community gets worse every time i dip my head in, i swear

[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago (1 children)

To be fair, pugjesus is an asshole about a lot of things, not just drag.

I took a look and this is their normal behavior: just the topic du jour that they can use to whip up drama.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (9 children)

Lemmy seems to be getting worse unfortunately :\

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 months ago (2 children)

thanks for being around, ada. the work you do is greatly appreciated, even if it’s not readily apparent all the time.

imo @MossyFeathers said it best in an edit they made to this comment, quoted for visibility:

the fucking entitlement of cis people telling trans people how to run their spaces is sickening. I thought Lemmy was supposed to be fairly progressive, yet once again I’m being shown that cis people believe they deserve a voice in something that has nothing to do with them. You don’t get to call yourself an ally when you question someone’s validity.

You disgust me.

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Very true. I do hope that the one or two trolls who instigated this post stop getting free rein to start drama. Pronouns should be respected, narcissism should not.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Neopronouns are valid as hell and all these people who refuse to acknowledge that fact are by definition transphobic.

You cannot claim to support trans people while declaring a subgroup to be invalid because you think they're not doing it the right way. You are not an ally unless you support all trans people, people who use neopronouns are not the problem, you are.

Policing trans people makes you a transphobe.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (3 children)

As Cishet white-ish person, who is only tangentially connected to this community IRL, but wants to be supportive, is there a definitive list of pronouns? It seems to me and many other people that if you just keep adding more and more, people get confused and or feel alienated and then some people get angry when confused, because they get frustrated and don't want to do the wrong thing.

I usually default to "they" unless absolutely told, because It seems that once it gets so individualized, things go a bit nuts. We may as well just abolish all pronouns and only use proper nouns.

Side question, I'm neurodiverse (diagnosed ADHD, probably a bit on the spectrum), I feel very very weird before coming out to people, especially at work, as I think it will be used against me. There are still places in this world that would hurt/imprison/kill non-cis, non-hetero people. With such an interconnected world, especially with those places, how does one handle it while also trying to keep being proud of your identity? Wouldn't putting neo pronouns in a profile open you up for targeting?

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

How Can Pronous Be Real If Our Eyes Aren't Real? /s

But actually, s/he & they are pronouns I'll use in everyday speech. Anything else and I tend to favor a person's name; it's just... You know, easier to facilitate a conversation that way.

Edit: oh I see this is from blåhaj. Nvm. I stand by my comment but I see I'm not the target audience.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago

Thank you, Ada. I truly wish it had not come to this, but making this post is one of a very few good choices you could make in such an awfully difficult situation. I respect your vision and commitment for the space you want to create here and I hope it works out for the best.

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