this post was submitted on 25 Sep 2024

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1214

The Signal (mander.xyz)

submitted 3 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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[–] [email protected] 197 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

[–] [email protected] 29 points 3 weeks ago

Human is endoskeleton optimized crab. Arthropod crab is exoskeleton optimized crab.

[–] [email protected] 127 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Speak for your self.

[–] [email protected] 101 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

anyone with extensive use of kitchen tongs has a primordial understanding of our clicky-clack fates

[–] [email protected] 33 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

It's true. It's so satisfying to click those tongs, how can we NOT turn into crab?

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

reincarnation + carcinisation = clickyclackclack

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

reincarcinisation (clickity clack, crusty comrade)

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 weeks ago

[–] [email protected] 82 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

You say we're not crabs, but what do you call car culture and the main battle tank.

We're Hermit crabs!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 weeks ago

We’re cosplaying as crabs. We are no crabs.

[–] [email protected] 76 points 3 weeks ago

For reference, just in case you're actually a crab and have been living under a rock: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carcinisation

[–] [email protected] 65 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Meanwhile the crabs on earth: "yo wtf??"

[–] [email protected] 30 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Hey when they can build radio antennas then they can talk to the aliens. Until then they can go play at the beach.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Throw radios in the ocean?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

There's no shortage of batteries to power them.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Which crabs do we choose to represent us?

Snow crabs? King crabs? The voice actor for Mr Krabs?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Who is "us"? You got a crab in your pocket?

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[–] [email protected] 36 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Are you sure it wasn't "Are you horses yet"?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sorry_to_Bother_You

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

I just read the synopsis. Wtf did in just read?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

It's an excellent movie, I would recommend watching it, even if the synopsis is insane.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

It is an excellent movie, especially if you go into watching it knowing it's a satire. I went in blind and was totally blindsided

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago

Same, still loved it. The big reveal completely derailed my brain for a solid minute before I started cackling like a madman.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 weeks ago

So I saw your comment, went to read the synopsis, and was nodding along like "Yeah, this good, what seemed weird?"...and then hit the line "Looking for the bathroom, Cash discovers a shackled half-horse, half-human hybrid who begs him for help."

...wtf?

Of course now I have to watch it

[–] expr 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

A synopsis for a great fucking movie.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago

I spent 20 years in call centers. I felt so much of this movie.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Suddenly another voice breaks through the silence:

man fighting off crabs

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Ded-a-chek?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Dad-a-chum?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Nice try, you two, but us crabs ain't falling for your lobstroganda

edit: spelling of lobstroganda

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

lobstroganda

Wouldn't it be lobstraganda?

Or lasagna, I dunno. Just hurry up and become a crab already!?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I had lobstraganda at first but amended to lobstroganda due to the quoted sources being lobstrosities.

Well, I wasn't 100% sure of how King had spelled it so I searched duck duck go for "ded-a-chek" and the Dark Tower Wiki entry for Lobstrosities topped the list. Sound out of deference to the source material: lobstroganda.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Oh "lobstrosities" for sure ~(become~ ~a~ ~crab)~

But I'm firm on the "lobstraganda" ~(I~ ~don't~ ~care~ ~just~ ~hurry~ ~up~ ~and~ ~become~ ~a~ ~crab~ ~already!~ - it just makes too much sense, for us ~~crabs~~ uh... gotta go, bye!

~life~ ~as~ ~a~ ~crab~ ~is~ ~awesome~ ~-~ ~are~ ~you~ ~really~ ~really~ ~sure~ ~that~ ~you~ ~don't~ ~want~ ~to~ ~join~ ~us~ ~today~ ~already?~

Edit: it took far too much effort to make every single word small like that, so I totally lost track of what I was doing. So replace "crab" with... whatever you want:-).

[–] [email protected] 25 points 3 weeks ago

Now that's how a short story is written!

[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 weeks ago

[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 weeks ago

Could happen any time.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Crabs do evolve fairly often.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Oh god oh fuck someone out in the black taught them to read

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago

Learning an alien language is what computers and experts are for. It's not easy, but it should be doable. See also https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OpoWJbo7oM

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Let's remake StarTrek 4, The Voyage Home...but with crabs!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago

That should be the title as well

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

"Negative. We are trains."

[–] Feyd 23 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Negative. I am a meat popsicle.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Big badda boom

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Multipass

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago

I know what you mean. But still...

Not sure if disgusting or delicious.

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[–] refalo 7 points 3 weeks ago

Alternate plot line for the movie Contact

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 weeks ago

We have an over abundance of drawn butter.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 weeks ago

https://etc.usf.edu/lit2go/24/the-time-machine/222/chapter-11/

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Do you want Prador? Because this is how you get Prador.

Note: You do not want Prador.

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