Transfem

Oh no... The letter started out so well until it whiplashed into hate and then took a nosedive into awfulness.

I'll never understand people who tell you you're being happy the wrong way.

I'm so sorry to hear that she's chosen to deny your identity and refuses to accept you for who you are. :/

it took an immense strength of will to even consider forgiving someone like this

i'm sorry it went so badly. nobody should have to deal with this from a loved one, let alone a parent.

How to lose your child 101

I'm so sorry. Maybe one day she'll come around but wtf that's not on you

“Why doesn’t my child talk to me anymore?”

She will sincerely ask that, not even understanding that she said the answer with that fucked up letter.

I'm sorry it went as you expected.

My son came to me last night, saying he thinks he hates both my mother, and his. I told him, if he doesn't want to hate them, he should talk to them, and tell them what they are doing to hurt him.

If they want to work with him, great.

If they don't, well... Cancers get cut out of the body, ya?

We probably both know what talking is going to accomplish, though. Good luck. I hope, other than that, things are going at least okay for you?

I am so sorry she took this opportunity and wasted it. Parents acting this way to their own children still angers and saddens me, even if it no longer surprises me. I gave up trying to understand a long time ago.

Instead, I am adopting you (in this virtual forum) and sharing the letter I sent to my own daughter when she sent us her letter. She still presents as male at the moment, but is in the process of transitioning.

Please take a very big virtual hug, too. You are bold; you are brilliant; you are beautiful.

Message me anytime.

Love, Adopted Mom

Dear [NAME],

Trusting your words, but not your voice (literally), you recently sent us a letter to come out as transgender, telling us you’ve known since your young, teenage years.

I read your words and was so proud of you. Your anxiety must have been immense, but you set down on paper who you are. I have always told you about the power of putting things in writing. The words, whatever they are, can’t be taken back — they’re out there. Sure, they can be clarified or explained, but never erased. And you sent them to us.

When I saw you next, part of me wanted to tell you that I’ve known about this part of you for a long time, maybe for longer than you acknowledged it yourself. But I didn’t because I didn’t want to take a chance on taking any part of this moment away from you. It takes a lot to gain self-awareness like this. It takes yet even more to tell someone, let alone your parents - let alone again to put it in writing.

And as to that, there is something else I’ve told you all your life, or a variation of it. You may no longer be a baby, but you will always be my baby. That’s not meant to infantilize you; it’s a promise. Transgender or not, you could change your name from the one I gave you, and you would still be my child. You can live with me or move 2,000 miles away, and I will be there for you, because you are my child. My sweet, funny, witty, smart, awesome child.

When I saw you next, I didn’t say any of that either, and then one of your siblings came into the room, and I couldn’t address any of it at all. In your letter, you asked that we not say anything. We would never have had intentions to do so; that’s your right, so that request is more than easy to honor. I look forward to the day when you can be authentic with them as well, but that will take some time, I think.

All I could do at that moment was give you a quick, tight hug and whisper to you, “I love you, and your father loves you, too.” I hope you read into that hug and words all that we feel, and that you know that we love and support you.

And we would also put that in writing, if you wished. 😊

i can't really like give you any advice except just like wish you strength to keep going ig, I hope you'll be ok in the end

There's no hate like christian love!

"I'll never mistreat anyone"

"Your existence is a joke"

Religion

Girl I'm so sorry :( I fear that my family will react the same way. It took a lot of courage to come out even when you thought this could be their response. You took a chance on them and they failed you.

My neighbor's son came out as trans about two years ago. His parents told me while we were cleaning up after a hurricane. They said they'd known he was a boy for years and were waiting for him to tell them. Even my dumb ass could tell, and I only see him doing chores and hiding at barbeques haha. He's a good kid, I think 16yo now.

I was invited to his "first birthday" since he started transitioning and I felt honored to attend, even as the neighbor who gets invited because they live nextdoor.

I'm sorry if this is out of place, because you're obviously struggling with the denial of acceptance from your mother, but there are so many people who will just accept you for who you are. Major hugs from a regular joe from afar. You are awesome and you will find the support and love and run-of-the-mill acceptance that you deserve. Do exactly what you need to do to feel whole.

Sorry to hear this, and much love to you :< I notice she happily unloaded a ton of stuff instead of, say, asking questions and trying to have a conversation - that alone is deeply disappointing. Not a fun time, best of luck.