this post was submitted on 05 Jul 2024
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Our DnD discord group has a whole ass 'out of context' channel. Best decision we've ever made, granted half of them is my character, the party clown. Here are some other bangers over the years:

  • "She knows how to ride a clippity clop."
  • "Ah so you want it so when you die there's a magical turfwar over your body."
  • "the horse is a horse....i dont think he understands the concepts"
  • "It's not Delivery, it's Human Trafficking!"
  • "Don't tell my dad I died for toenails"
  • "It's pulsating. It shouldn't be because it's a fucking rock."
  • "Jesus Christ! I mean... Bahamut Jr!"
  • "There was a scary forest!" "SCARY FOREST IS NOT AN ANSWER"
  • "That's Renn! He's like a dead squirrel."
  • "Who wants to do coke with the illithid?"
  • "I agree, other voice in my head."
  • "When a corpse bee and another corpse bee love each other and don't dance..."
  • "I emotionally abuse you and you bring me waffles. Thanks babe."
  • "Does your house have a garden?" "Probably."
  • "Should I go... unwhisk it?"
  • "I heard it from the Oracle Beyoncé."
  • "HOW DO YOU LISTEN TO AN EAR?!"
  • "I'm sorry Renn, I love you, but fuck the rich."
  • "I forgot that we have one brain cell in the party and it currently blinked away."
  • "We can have one little terrorism. As a treat."
  • "Hey, it's not our fault this Earth Elemental is made of door."
  • "Roll a d20." "10." "...fuck." "Does that fuck up your plans or mine? (Panicking)" "Yours." "...fuck!"
  • "If you would be inclined for a little adventure today, would you mind following me? Oh and it's mandatory because I've already made arrangements."
  • "Can we just like acknowledge that she just did the anime "Oh ho ho ho!" laugh when you called her out on that?"
  • "You ripping peoples faces off, that's entirely on you. Get some help."
  • "I'm-uh-w-Lady.... I'm not above hitting a woman."
  • "I have cocaine, does that count?"
  • You ate a goodberry so you should be full for the rest of the day" "True" "Well you can be full and a fatass" "Just shut up and play your silly little game with your silly little characters and don't come for me like that"
  • "Does a 26 hit?" "... fuck you.".
  • "Why doesn't Misty have a mustache?"
  • "No matter who you play you gotta either fuck with his body or his heart!"
  • "The undead not dead thing is right" "Please call me Renn" "I'll never remember that" "It's literally shorter"
  • "Why must I be surrounded by lesbians? ... I fear your kind." (For the record this was said by both a gay character and player)
  • "Can I pick up Renn? He's a twink, right?"
  • "You're a second rate duelist with a third rate meal"
  • "Just gives me the confidence that she would choke me"

Okay sorry I ended up pasting way more in than I expected.... I just love this group and don't get to share these with anyone. Just such ridiculous nonsense.

Edit: Also I just remembered. I actually do have the context for that 'no no thing' line. That one is mine from my 7'2 barbarian aarakocra jokey boy. We recorded parts of sessions and caught the no no thing bit. Here if you wanna listen to it. although I don't blame you the slightest if you don't.

I've also got a stupidly long soundcloud clip of highlights from a game a couple months ago here. It includes a bunch of the quotes pasted above.

Check out [email protected] for more!

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

This is excellent. Bahamut junior got me.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

His hammer, not more than one standard deviation from average...

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

"Give me a hit from the corpse bong."

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

I take the boner pills.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

Fuck you, Kim. Respectfully.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)

"We're the harem inspectors."

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Are we playing the same campaign? Lol

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

My group's campaign started with us being called in to select the next heir, which involved investigating the sins of the imperial harem. When we got there, there were about 60 children and 12 viable heirs. Currently, there are 5 remaining children and 2 viable heirs.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago

"DM, are we on drugs?"

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

“Ok you did an excellent and flawless swing

Unfortunately the enemy is 100 feet away so you missed”

“Oh”

“Also they attack aaaand…. You’re dead”

Oh

Because i am incapable of giving no context

Tap for spoilerIt was my first time playing DnD and the DM wasn’t the nicest person so I didn’t get a good first impression of the game but I should really get into it at some point

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

You're exactly correct. That guy was either autism levels of social unawareness and being an asshole, or isn't and is a major asshole and not your friend. That's not what you do to players showing a new interest in D&D. Sorry you experienced that. I hope you give it another try soon!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

Oh he was socially aware he was just not nice to say the least

I’ve been meaning to play dnd cus chaos funny moments but I just haven’t

My gf is trying to get me to play Baldurs Gate and is making a Vampire Masquerade campaign but idk when that’s happening so maybe that’ll be gateway lol

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago

It's the French you made along the way.

Wanting to fuck your sister isn't a good enough excise to do a genocide.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago

Do you think it has a cloaca or the normal two holes... Wait what do lizards have? .... Discussion before attacking a green dragon.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

Oi kid, wanna have some candy?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

We play over, whatever video conference program Google uses, it has auto transcription as a "service" (fuck you Google, but thanks for the ability to connect with friends I guess? Mind your own game business though please?)

When we take breaks sometime we read the logs and try to figure out what was actually said from the "transcript" it's delightful in its incompetence, we sometimes find ourselves reading the chat logs more than rolling the dice.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Player character is presented with his twin brother‘s corpse on a platter.

„Hmmm… needs more oregano.“

Paging @Jesus_[email protected] for more from that campaign because I‘m tired and can’t think of any but there was a lot.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

“Birdie, I need a pipe bomb”

NPC: “It’s my job” Player: “everybody check your asses for bugs!”

“Why TF does it have thoughts, it’s not Rattatootoot”

(In the thickest Russian accent): “Still your fault, fuck you!”

“Fuck it, all the gnomes are French now, hon hon hon motherfucker”

P1: ”He checked my dick, my dick was fine” P2: ‘He sucked it dry it was so sublime’

”Can I store things in the dog?”

NPC: “Where are you going to get a baby dragon?” Player: “We’re going to make one”

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

We just fished a fire shark!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

Me, the DM: You return from behind the tent, nude. Elyse the Erinyes returns from behind the tent wearing your clothing. The ogre returns from behind the tent wearing her clothing.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

"All right, it seems that Bob cannot speak, so instead we're going to talk to the next best thing: The chair"

Context: Bob was a guy that was imprisoned on a chair of living wood at a living wood teatable. When he tried to speak, flowers came out of his mouth instead. This sentence was uttered by our bard when he asked the druid to cast Speak with Plants on the living chair.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

"The monk is dodging a rave!?"

"I am the ring of ram, now strap me to the ballista"

"The paladin doesn't know, put it on his tab"

"How many rats can I keep on me?"

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

I'm running out of the house screaming like a banshee that just discovered cocaine.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

We’re all in a B-26 waiting to perform a HALO jump

GM: The “go-no-go” light is red Player #1: I jump… Player #2: aren’t we supposed to wait for the green light?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 4 months ago

The first line in one of my campaigns from a player:

"It seems you have been given the test of race, and you have failed"

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