this post was submitted on 23 May 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 160 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Assuming this is real, this is probably some shit he used to do when he was a kid, maybe with his parents or older sibling or something, and he still occasionally does it because of nostalgia or habit. Maybe he only just then realized it was weird for an adult to do. I'm really reading a lot into this, but that was my first thought is all

[–] [email protected] 63 points 5 months ago

Honestly, that would be the most plausible explanation and for me at least that indicates a good father-son relationship, as this would be some shit my father would be doing with me when I was a toddler.

But I also assume that the actual OOP is hand guy and he imagines a potential partner catching him in the act.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

We affectionately call this 'The CLAW!!!!!'.

I had no idea why we did it... but it's probably because of a wrestler back in the 80s called Baron von Raschke

I recommend everyone do this to children everywhere. They eat that shit up.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)

It's in a Jim Carrey film too, I seem to recall.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

Oh shit I do remember that... That's too new for us though. I'm glad he kept it alive.

Liar liar. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jVF-ugA2Atk

[–] [email protected] 144 points 5 months ago

Anyone who icks over their partner having a little bit of harmless, dumb fun doesn't deserve their partner IMO

[–] [email protected] 73 points 5 months ago

Using "the ick" unironically is way worse

[–] stembolts 37 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

Add a Baby Yoda oven mitt and I'm in.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago

Coming to get you, the hand is.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

You sick fuck

[–] [email protected] 34 points 5 months ago

can confirm, this is some boredom shit.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Nobody is gonna comment how weird it is that she went to his place unannounced and sneaked into his room to spy on him instead of ringing the door bell or calling for him when she enters?

[–] [email protected] 99 points 5 months ago (2 children)

she has a key and didn't want to wake him. It's not weird if they're close

[–] [email protected] 28 points 5 months ago

Absolutely. If you’re dating for 6+ months, you get keys and the expectation not to wake someone when they might be sleeping. Respecting boundaries is sexy as fuck.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

She has a key, they are close and somehow she is doubting the relationship cause she saw him do silly things when he thought he was alone?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Interestingly, successful relationships require making mistakes, accepting them, and growing. If she hadn't learned that now, she will.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Nobody made a mistake here though? She just needs to chill, if the biggest worry she has is how silly her boyfriends can be when alone then she already has the perfect relationship

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

Well, she seems to have maybe made a mistake in judging it.. ..but, that's natural. It takes time for people to become comfortable with 'weird' things. There aren't as many examples of people being quirky as there are of people being image obsessed, and that's hard for some people to shake.

But overall, agreed.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 5 months ago

Fellas, is it icky to have an imagination?

[–] [email protected] 30 points 5 months ago (3 children)

Fake story, no real girl would potray themselves as a child in an image on 4chan

[–] [email protected] 42 points 5 months ago (2 children)

I think you underestimate how degenerate women can be.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Women can't and don't exist

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

They're a corporate conspiracy to get foolish young men to waste their money on diamonds and flowers.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

This guy is on to something

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

Can confirm, encountered degenerate woman.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 5 months ago

OP doesn’t say they’re a woman

[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago

May I remind you Belle Delphine went all in on using weeb culture to get her success. Dunno if she has any actual affinity towards it. Also the amount of women showing off how "breedable" they are in some subreddits I've come across in the past.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 5 months ago

anon does not deserve him

[–] [email protected] 16 points 5 months ago

They should have immediately reached out their hand and run over saying "The hand is coming to get you!"

[–] [email protected] 16 points 5 months ago

I would have tried to scare him as the hand reaches him.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago

I'm glad Stanley Spadowski found love

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

I do this with my phone's flashlight, projecting my hand onto the ceiling

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

Fake: nobody on 4chan is in a relationship

Gay: there are no women on 4chan