this post was submitted on 06 Mar 2024
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[–] [email protected] 44 points 8 months ago (3 children)

You see... John Wick isn't God. He's who you send to kill fucking God

[–] [email protected] 28 points 8 months ago (2 children)

He once killed lucifer with a fucking pencil.

[–] nieceandtows 3 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Never thought that line was particularly impressive. A pencil is roughly a sharpened stick, so all you had to do is jab it through the eye into the brain. Would have been more impressive if he had used something more improbable, like a piece of paper.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

Nah, it's actually surprisingly difficult to jab a pencil into someone's eye and kill them. Don't feel like getting out on any more lists so I won't offer a source, but I will give you a good starting point to do more investigating by saying that there was a railroad worker who was blasting a tunnel out with dynamite and managed to get a railroad spike through his skull. It altered his personality but he did live and make a "full" recovery

[–] nieceandtows 2 points 8 months ago

...With a fucking pencil!

[–] [email protected] 15 points 8 months ago

Dude's had it coming for a long time.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

But why would you want to kill Aphrodite?

[–] ug02x 34 points 8 months ago (3 children)

(Please read in wacky buddy comedy voice from movie commercials)

John Wick and John Constantine. The supernatural Reeves dual role buddy shoot-em-up we never knew we wanted (and probably still don't). As they traverse hell and heaven seeking vengeance for and with luck reuniting Wick and his dog. They may just find friendship, celestial blood, and their lost love along the way.

The John Chronicles: All Dogs Go To Heaven

[–] [email protected] 12 points 8 months ago (1 children)

And that's just the movie that kicks off the Johnicles cinematic universe.

Just wait until they introduce Johnny Mnemonic, Johnny Utah, and Johnny Silverhand.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

It'll be banger if it'll launch, like "The Expendables" series back in the day

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

"Friday night at 8pm, right here on ABC."

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

I'd actually pay to see that one.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Phone rings

Longinus: Longinus speaking
Pause God: I hear you crucified my son.
Longinus: Yes, Sir, I did.
God: And may I ask why?
Longinus: clears throat Well... he stole John Wick's car... and he killed his dog.
God: Oh.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 8 months ago (1 children)

If Doomguy's rabbit died naturally

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

Came here for this lmao

If he can go to hell he could probably go to heaven too

[–] [email protected] 16 points 8 months ago (1 children)

John Wick about to go Kratos

[–] [email protected] 8 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I want a crossover where these two have to work together to murder a Pantheon, but we don't deserve it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

Thank you and fuck you at the same time for putting that desire in my head

[–] [email protected] 11 points 8 months ago

God's fucked

[–] [email protected] 8 points 8 months ago

wick has killed at least 1000 people by my count

[–] [email protected] 8 points 8 months ago

Final Fantasy XVII

[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago

So you see, kids, there is no god. Not anymore. Keanu Reeves killed him.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Face looks like monkey Jesus.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

That's sait joseph lol Jesus daddy

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

This is legitimately the plot of DOOM and DOOM 2, just replace the dog with a bunny and God with all of Hell’s inhabitants.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

That's not Jesus, that's just some skinny Norwegian guy.