this post was submitted on 11 Jun 2023
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Neurodivergence
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I'm the father of a son with Asperger's/High Functioning Autism. (He was diagnosed just before Asperger's was folded into Autism in general.) As I was reading up on Autism to see what my son was going through, I realized something weird. All these books on Autism were talking about me.
Now, once always known I was different, but I chalked this up to "stunted social growth due to excessive bullying in high school." Of course, this didn't explain why I did some things into my mid-30's.
I came to the realization that I'm Autistic. It was a tough realization to come to. My entire sense of self felt like it was destroyed. Everything I thought I knew about myself was wrong and I needed to rebuild my sense of self from scratch. Once I got over the shock, though, everything about my life made a lot more sense.
I never got a diagnosis, though, for various reasons. It would cost money when money was tight. It wouldn't have helped my son and I also had (unknowingly) developed coping mechanisms. So I'm undiagnosed, but 100% positive that I'm ND.
@TechyDad
It's profound, realising that you're autistic .
I wonder why some of us find it so traumatic, and others so liberating?
Maybe it's to do with how it happens. For me, I came to this self discovery after struggling with severe mental health problems that didn't seem to have any explanation.
Realising I'm autistic was an incredible release from self blame.
I think there's a unique journey for parents of autistic children, though. And not an easy one.
Be kind and patient with yourself.
@neamhsplach
@Zumbador @TechyDad @neamhsplach A lot of it may boil down to this:
Was #ActuallyAutistic a label chosen *by* you, as a result of accurate and compassionately-communicated information?
Or was it chosen *for* you, by people who were more interested in trying to “solve the problem” that is you, and are ultimately not motivated by acting for your own well-being?
(I spent most of my life in the second camp, and even on the best days, the term “autistic” is emotionally fraught for me.)
@dpnash
Very true. And definitely something late realised autistic people are often not aware of.
But I meant to ask a different question, which is why people in the first group (realising they're autistic vs having been diagnosed by someone else ) sometimes have such different experiences.
@TechyDad @neamhsplach