this post was submitted on 04 Sep 2024
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I had a low opinion of marriage even as a kid but [then] the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints invested millions (in 2008 money) to back Prop 8, to enshrine in the Constitution of California a ban on same-sex marriage. The amendment is still there.
It was interpreted by the California Supreme Court to outlaw the act of marrying two same-sex persons, but same-sex marriages from outside the state are still respected for accommodations purposes. That was a little relief.
At that point I decided that marriage is just a state thing, a license I'd get to acquire benefits, or not, and is meaningless outside the boundaries of state or federal law.
I have a wife and she has me, and just had our eleven year anniversary, but we are not married according to any nation or state, because fuck 'em.
Just be careful that you’re both designating each other as a beneficiary on any insurance, 401K/other retirement vehicles, or other assets (stocks, bonds, housing, accounts etc). If she’s not legally your spouse, she’s not going to be automatically entitled to any assets if she’s widowed or vice versa.
You both may also want to have a will or power of attorney clause given to each other in case of medical issues which prevent someone from communicating their own will. Family members get the right to act on behalf of their family, but they can’t do anything to help or protect if they’re not legally related in some way. Some places have clauses for common law spouses, but not all do, and not for all circumstances.