Ask Lemmy

What are my goals? The same as Putin?

If yes: continue attrition fighting, but defensively. The goal is to stretch out ukraine losses past the point of western support. Keep offering varying "peace deals" that solidify the capture of oil and gas resources and access to the black sea. Claim the fighting will stop once the Russian territory is liberated (the captured oblasts). In the backroom arrange to let israel to start their middle east ground war, that will distract and drain support from Ukraine. Move the conscript soldiers to the Russian side of the north eastern border with Ukraine. Negotiate to get CIS volunteers as part of the defensive home guard.

If no: pull back troops to very defensive lines across rivers. Dig in. Don't try to take any territory. Negotiate for return of some territory in exchange for crimea and total access to black sea, settle for crimea and a promise not to join NATO for 20 years.

Focus on energy export pipelines to Europe and China, try to pivot industrial base to post solar future. China is the biggest long term competitor, find a niche that is critical to Chinese interests like oil (negiotate with kz to be sole supplier)

Abdicate. And die I guess. I couldn't even navigate politics in the US, no way could I politick at a Vlad level.

Oh my god, first things first, repair relations with Ukraine. Secondly end the war. Thirdly repair relations with the west.

Then begin the task of figuring out why a random white guy in Ohio suddenly became the ruler of russia.

Also, stay away from windows and tea. I imagine MANY russians would attempt to take the life of an American who's ruling their world.

But also, I'd actually make attempts to improve the health and happyness of people in russia. And increase tolerance towards gay people. It's like the 1980s over there in that regard.

Reminds me of an 'elseworlds' Batman story from a while ago.

Bats kills R'as al Ghul but realizes that Ghul's evil empire is still operational. Batman takes the role of R'as, but sets it up so that all his top lieutenants take each other out. It takes a few years, but eventually the League of Assassins is a force for good in the world.

Something similar in Russia. Pit the worst of the worst against each other and let democracy prevail.

If I just magically appeared and everyone knows it was magic, I could claim to be God and get even more power.

Obviously stop the war but after that: Step one, thorough cleaning of public offices. Step two MRUSSRA hats. Step three, no profits.

Wow, this is my one of my least favorite reincarnation isekai yet

Now that's a sequel to Freaky Friday I'm down for. I don't want the Putin mantle though, can the movie feature Zelenskyy and Putin waking up in each other's bodies?

(Real answer btw is the same as everyone else, we just want the war to end and Russia to be free, y'all.)

Put all money into conquering pluto while trying to make it a planet again

Immediately start figuring out how I can disappear. I am not cut out for the world Putin lives in.

But assuming I'm staying in the job, I find oligarchs who have been personally impacted particularly badly by western sanctions and share with them that the war has become too costly. I know I can't openly just change my mind, because too much of the apparatus below me would gut me for it and nobody on the other side would believe me. So we're orchestrating a coup against me. If you just let me fuck off, I will, and we'll set it up so that you're taking the reins off of me. Powerful figures that have legitimate grievances against the ongoing costs of the war are going to forcefully oust me and offer peace. I'll try to pick one who will actually do that. Someone who stands to profit enormously from better relations with Europe.

If you havent already, I would highly recommend you watch the following video by CGP Grey:

Rules for Rulers https://youtu.be/rStL7niR7gs

It describes why its so difficult to turn a country around from authoritarian to benefiting the people. Even with magical dictatorial power.

I remove the nukes.

Put most of my hoarded billions $ into funding education in Russia -and funding a legitimate socialist party in America.🇺🇸

Try and do what Trotsky wanted to do before Stalin took the reigns.

Pull out of the wars, declare myself a constitutional monarch, then appoint a prime minister from a reasonable democratic party and then call an election every 5 years.

I think hiring more people from North Korea, increase policing for conscription avoidance and spend a lot on industrial policies to encourage arms production. Mjeh, basically what they're already doing.

Start special operations into every single nation bordering Russia at the same time and immediately board the next flight to Venezuela.

Live in exile and laugh my ass off while Russia balkanises right before I get murked by half a dozen hitmen at the same time.

I didn’t think this through. But so did Putin.