this post was submitted on 15 Jul 2024
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[–] [email protected] 120 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I met a blind guy who wanted to experience a concert, so I took him to hear Coldplay. He said, "Now I wish I was also deaf."

[–] [email protected] 53 points 4 months ago (4 children)

Go to enough concerts without hearing protection and he will get his wish.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I live about 10km from a big festival site. We could hear Metallica playing the other year.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

I can see and I'd be pissed if that was the concert you took me to without forewarning.

[–] [email protected] 67 points 4 months ago (2 children)

My spouse was admitted to hospital for two weeks and had several geriatric roommates. The nurse asked one of them if she knew where she was, and she yelled "IN SATAN'S ASSHOLE".

[–] [email protected] 51 points 4 months ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 4 months ago (5 children)

That actually isn't even much of a stretch for Texas names. I live near the Devil's Backbone.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

So you live just north of Satan's asshole. Got it.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Nurse here: we ask 'orientation' questions as part of our assessment

I had a younger patient going through the straights with hallucinations (newly diagnosed schizophrenia)... and I had been asking the same questions (as we do) a lot

So I asked them once again, "Do you know why you're in the hospital?". Their response: "Deez nuts!"

I always appreciate a good "Deez nuts" joke, but that one has been my favorite so far. The volition on their face and the shitty smirk; they're completely tied down with a guard because they would occasionally be violent... but hot damn, that was a zinger.

I counted their response as oriented— they know what they did lol

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[–] [email protected] 45 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Huh didn't realize people hate Coldplay so much. Not for me, but I didn't think they were particularly bad.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I could be comatose, damn near brain dead, almost lifeless, and if Rhianna starts singing country I will jump out of the medical bed and throw myself out the nearest window to get away from it.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Not a country fan, or not a Rihanna country fan? I'm neither, really, but curious to hear from people with real opinions on the genre, etc

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

I just really hate that song.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 months ago

I love Coldplay, but this is just funny

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago (1 children)

For a while they were like Maroon 5 level over exposed. I don't think I've heard a song from them in a while though.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

To be honest that level of overexposure doesn't happen if you totally suck. It was cool to hate on them for a while though. You know, just like it's cool to hate anything mainstream or basic, which is honestly a pretty basic way to view art in general. Like literally all it takes to participate is to notice that something is popular.

Edit: Although to be honest the way media companies love to milk songs to death is super annoying and makes you hate the music. You see it today with trending tiktok sounds. I'd blame this more than the quality of the music.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

For a short moment I thought she was referring to the life support.

Doesn't make the joke funnier per se, but a lot darker

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

turns off life support

"HAMMOND YOU BLITHERING IDIOT!"

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago

My grandpa had a stroke and the various Mormon friends neighbors that never said a word to this coffee drinking sailor suddenly wanted to put church choir music on.

He likes Mozart and I will bury you in the backyard if you try

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Did you mean, "turn IT up"?

Also, if bands were colors, Coldplay would be beige.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 months ago

Is that a kind of yellow?

Listen to the song, see how it sounds to.you, it's doggy do, and they were all BEIGE

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I read this as if she was on life support.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I think they misspoke. They probably meant to say Nickelback, not Coldplay.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 4 months ago (4 children)

Does anyone else hate Nickelback, Coldplay, Justin Bieber, Billie Eilish, and Maroon 5? Upvotes to the left

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 months ago

OMG I never dared to say this out loud, it‘s so controversial yet so true!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

I'm just indifferent to Coldplay and can't even remember who Maroon 5 is. I've also never listened to Billie Eilish, but she has the worst case of resting bitch face I think I've ever seen in my life.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I hope he replied, “Don’t Look Back In Anger”

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 43 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Nana’s got Alzheimer’s, not Shazam

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

Years later and that album launch is still traumatizing folks XD

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

Hahah dae Coldplay bad

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