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There is a TV special from 1965 that describes your plight:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Charlie_Brown_Christmas
I think there must be something wrong with me, Linus.
Christmas is coming, but I'm not happy.
I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel.
I just don't understand Christmas I guess.
I like getting presents and sending Christmas cards...
...and decorating trees and all that, but I'm still not happy.
I always end up feeling depressed.
It was a favorite of mine as a kid. For me, all the nativity reminds me of the war in Gaza and the Christian Nationalist movement infecting the US government and stripping away civil rights.
Generally the high extinction risk from compound crises (climate, plastic, etc.) has dispelled any notion that what I do here or happens to me matters at a greater scale.
If I ceased to exist this moment, it might cause a small amount of local harm, but little wake. These days, I'm a practicing absurdist, mostly that means I'm aware of my grief and dispair in fine detail, a geographic manifold I've well explored.
Ignorance and Want are no longer child wretches hiding in the fold of the robes of a Christmas spirit, rather now have become massive kaiju thundering across the countryside ravaging the population with withering gaze and breath of biting hyperborean frost, leaving a path of toxic wasteland in their wake.
(Plug that into generative AI systems.)
So yeah, in a holding pattern until January 2nd.
I mean, the point of the special is to find meaning in the holidays regardless of the rampant consumerism, but the impact of the message is dampened a bit by Hallmark putting out new charlie brown Christmas tree ornaments every year.
That said, it's also okay not to have holiday spirit if you don't find anything about this time of year meaningful. For many who aren't practicing Christians, it's a time to be with family because most companies tend to give days off anyway, but for those of us who have cut ties and don't see the significance of decorating and whatnot, it's perfectly fine to enjoy the time off without feeling festive.
Just kick Lucy in the face with cleats on and you will never feel depressed again Charlie.